my last goal’s timeline was a tad unrealistic. my new goal: 115 by july 9th or fit into my pants/white shorts by then. weight’s not as important as size. off to shower.

i’m writing this here so i have to see it and be reminded a lot. my goal is to fit into my lace purple dress for my birthday. no exceptions, that’s just what i’m aiming for. if i don’t quite get there in time (it’s only three weeks. oy) it’ll be ok as long as i’m close. i guess a secondary goal will be my fat jeans being too big for me.

oooh, how i love this show. paul told me about it years ago, but i never got around to it for some reason. i haven’t read the manga for two reasons: it’s hard/expensive to acquire such things and i’ve already seen the anime so it’s hard to read something when it’s essentially the same thing, but it already has a certain feel to it. comics and books are supposed to have your own interpretation thrown into the mix, but i already have a (wonderful) impression of what the series is supposed to be, so it feels like i’m missing something. not to mention that it feels like i’m just watching the anime in slow motion or something. also, this a heavily music based series and i honestly can’t imagine not having the actual music playing. i guess that would be one reason to at least look at a few books, just to see how it’s done.

as much as i love it, it makes me a little bit sad. i wish i had more discipline to actually master something. not to mention that i’ve squandered my only talent, but it’s not like i’m some super phenomenal singer that everyone loves and is instantly drawn to. i do think i’m like nodame in my messiness and otherworldly weirdness.

i love it. i love it.  i’m so, so happy there’s a third season coming this fall. i hope everything’s still on schedule. and, and, and it has one of my favourite seiyu in it: tomokazu seki.

i can’t believe i’ve watched both seasons already. maybe i’ll have to read the manga just to satiate my need for it. or i’ll just watch it again. i tend to rush things (especially when there’s a romantic plot) just to see what happens between the characters. in anime though, it’s usually more about discovering the subplot/secret that’s alluded to in the opening/flashbacks/cliffhangers in episodes.  but i am a sucker for two characters getting together when they so clearly need to do so as was the case in this fine example. i could go on, but i’m not going to because i’m not that much of a dork. i will say that the sentence i was going to write started with ‘that first kiss’. that’s where i was heading. weee. hooray third season!

two things that piss me off: what’s the point in having glorious,  healthy looking hair that’s so long that people assume it’s extensions? even if i get a chance to tell them it’s real, they don’t believe me. same goes for my boobs. lousy cynical people and not thinking there are actual real people in the world these days.

i think i’m going to go back to school for journalism. i’d like to go into computer programming but that would mean having to take a grade twelve math to get in and then more maths while actually in the program. it’s not so much that i don’t think i could do it; i could, it would just mean a lot more work than i’m willing to put in. hmm, but then i wonder if maybe i should push myself. i also know me and math just don’t get along. i have never once had an epiphany moment in math where i suddenly got it. even if i did, as soon as i moved into the next step, my new found realizations were shown to be false.

the big hurdle with journalism is deadlines. i am not a timely person. hopefully, by being in a work situation that forces the exact opposite of what i am, i might change my ways . . . or get fired.  i don’t want that one flaw to stop me from doing something i think i’d be really good at.

so my plan is to apply to college programs for september and see how that pans out. there’s a lot of work involved with just applying, like getting my transcripts and sending them out to the right places and all the research i have to do to see which programs i want to apply to.  also, there’s the whole dilemma of what i apply as: mature student, transfer, or high school? depending on that, i have to send different things to different people and/or take classes/tests to see if i can get in/get credit etc.

i have about a month before the deadline = a month to get my shit together and contact places to get the facts straight. here’s to my future . . . ?

so the last few weeks i haven’t been actively searching for a job because i hate looking for jobs and i haven’t had an updated resume on my main computer in a while. now, of course, i’m starting to run out of funds. also, i can’t stand living at home anymore. as soon as my parents get home i become this stressed out, irritated harpy. i want to move downtown but you have to have a job before a place will let you move in but i don’t really want to commute from ’sauga every day for a 9-5 job because that will take a lot of time and money especially now that mississauga transit is $3.00 a pop. f-ing bastards. i should just become a hippy/bum and move to california.

there are lots of jobs out there, but they all want shit loads of experience for $10-12/hr. what the fuck are they thinking? gah. i’m just so frustrated with this whole situation. i know i should just get some shitty office job and make money for a year but i really start to go insane after about three months of doing the same pointless shit over and over. maybe if i was in some sort of career, i might not want to slit my throat or the people’s around me every day.

bartending is just as bad. they expect you to be a bartender and a waitress for minimum wage and you have to be sunshine and unicorns pouring out of your ass happy all the time otherwise you’re not a good enough ambassador for their shitty chain. shit. i know companies expect a comittment but that doesn’t mean i have to be super happy about doing a shitty job that no one else wants.

i just don’t get it. i can’t deal in this world. i can’t fake it. i can’t take it. fuck. i’m going to end up a bum because i hate people and most people don’t get me and i just don’t get them. if you’re told to make conversation with me, don’t ask me what my favourite fucking colour is. that’s the most stupid and inane shit i’ve ever heard. honestly, what do you expect my response to be? what the fuck kind of conversation is going to come out of that? maybe if i was some fucking dipshit i’d say ‘oh, i love pink. i’d have everything pink if i could. it just makes me so happy that i want to anally rape myself’. well, maybe not that last part.