i was with jeff’s family today, and i (of course) started thinking. i’m not sure that people actually know me. and it has nothing to do with them. it’s entirely my “fault”. i never choose to show all of my sides to people. but i have this constant need for people to connect with me. at the same time i hate it when people can tell what’s going on in my head. unless it’s someone i like. then it’s a cool bond we share. but if it’s anyone else, i hate it. maybe it’s just because i’m not really sure who i am. i always have conflicting sides, and i’m never sure what my opinions on things are. yet again, at the same time, i’m very open and blunt with my opinions. now i worry that i don’t let important people into my life. or i keep certain sections to myself and don’t let them into them. but i do want people to know the entire me. you’d have to know me for a really long time to see all of those different sides. and then you’d have to like them. honestly like and appreciate all of them. i know that’s impossible. maybe it’s not. if i can do it, i guess it’s not. it’s hard to be completely honest with people sometimes. there are things that you just can’t say. i’d like to say them, but the person that i’m saying them to probably wouldn’t appreciate it. just as a side topic, i hate that you can’t express true interest in instant messages. i’m sure i always seem so unenthusiastic, when really i’m entertained and quite ecstatic that the person is talking to me (most of the time). it’s easier to write complete honesty than it is to say it. that’s probably why i write. anyway, i’m boring myself.