obliviously obvious

i went to carnival on friday. i had to help out in the morning with the kids. i didn’t think this would be too bad. but it turned out to be a living hell, completely validating my hatred for children. first, it was absolutely freezing. everyone was cold. it was dark, cloudy, and windy as fuck. we decided to all gather in a huge circle to keep warm. it worked quite well and resulted in a few memorable moments. that was fun. then, after about forty minutes of waiting for the kids to arrive, they show up. trisha and me were partners to look after these brats. it didn’t seem so bad at first, except for one brown girl who thought she was the shit. well, she was a little shit. anyway, then we had to get more kids, so a group of five boys joined us. one of them didn’t want to join our group so he starts crying. but it wasn’t the ‘awww, poor guy’ kind of crying. it was the ‘let’s beat the shit out of this kid’ kind of crying. already i didn’t like these kids or their attitudes.

we had to take them to get food first. so the crying bastard says ‘this sucks, i don’t want food. i’m not hungry. i don’t want to be here.’ i just told him to leave, because i didn’t want him there either. but he didn’t, probably because he was too much of a pussy. so they get hot dogs and pop to drink, and the crying bastard says ‘pop? why don’t they have beer? i want beer.’ normally i’d commend this kid, but he was just too much of an asshole. then this obnoxious brown kid starts dropping his garbage everywhere. i just looked at him and he says ‘i did that. that was me’ all proud of himself. so stupid. i hated them all. then we took them on the various rides. on one of them the crying bastard started crying again because he couldn’t be on the ride fast enough. then he didn’t want to go with the person who he was paired with because it was that kids fault. oy. it was one hell of a day. i just rode it out, trying to ignore them the best i could.

the rest of the day was spent having fun watching people drunk and dunk(ed). brett and terry were fun to be around because they’d just finished drinking. i was going to buy a goldfish, but then i realized that i had nowhere to put it at home.

when i got home, me and my mom had this huge long discussion of when and where i’m going to the basement. i don’t think i’ll have enough space. but we’ll work something out. during this conversation is when i realized that i’m at the point in my life when everything’s changing. a year from now i’m going to be living by myself, fending for myself, being able to do anything i want. it really scares me. i’m not ready for independence. but i do need it. otherwise i’ll be completely useless as a person. or more so. i just can’t picture myself five years from now. i have NO idea what’s going to be going on. and my parents are going to move within in the next year. so i won’t even have to comfort of home. but yeah, i’m scared and worried, and undecided.