obliviously obvious

‘you’re all idiots.’

well, it’s down to the last real day of school. where has the time gone? so many memories. my friends are leaving. we all feel sad and reminiscent. most of us are moving on and starting new lives. we won’t see each other every day. the inside jokes will be forgotten. friendships will be lost. a few will keep in touch, but for how long? the intent is there, but things always get in the way. people, school, work, family. numerous other reasons to never see one another. there’s still prom. we’ll make that night count. we have to. it’s the only thing we have left. promises left unfulfilled. i’m taking this year much harder than last year. probably because i know that i’ll never see these people again. high school was the only link. that’s the saddest part. there was a lot of wasted time. i’m sure everyone has their regrets. mine is not graduating. i wish i could have my grade eleven year back. that’s when things really went downhill. now i’m not even going to grad breakfast. i wish i was. just to say goodbye. someone needs to have a party. a non-drunken one. where everyone just sits around and talks, and thinks, and remembers everything. i guess that’s what prom is for. and prom after party. to whom it may concern: thank you for the good times. thanks for the discussions of stupid things. “do you really need that slice of pizza?” and the discussions of important matters. thanks to everyone who made a difference, whether you knew about it or not. i’m sorry we were never close. i’m glad that we were. thanks for the use of lockers and the invites to birthday parties. in-school relationships will always be the hot gossip. thanks for being a trip buddy. thank you for understanding what i was going through. i’m glad you are who you are. thanks for the compliments and complete honesty (even if you didn’t mean it like that). thank you for these four wonderful years and for just being there. i think it’s safe for me to say from everyone that it’s meant a lot. i wish i could find the perfect quote to go here, because i know one exists. oh well. remember these years forever and always.

~witz

i haven’t written the camping trip update yet. i really don’t know when i’m going to get around to it. i’m just not in the mood to write about it right now. plus i was sick all day (almost) and i had two power failures. they didn’t last very long (20 mins?) but still a setback.

i suppose i should be sleeping. but i just don’t like to. i’ll be so tired tomorrow. i get out at 12:30, so maybe i just won’t go to wind ensemble and come home and sleep. i wonder how hot it’s going to be? oh well. it’s worth it. i shouldn’t sleep. i should sleep now and then not sleep tomorrow afternoon. i cannot wait for summer to officially be here. when school is finally done. i’m so over with it now. i NEED this break. i’m so far passed the high school mentality. everything is so trivial, and i can’t take it. i really just want to say ’screw it.’ and just stop going now. but that would be throwing away the entirety of second semester. i might as well just put in the effort now, so it doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass.

the camping update will be in a few days. i want to go again. while eating dinner today, i had the urge to go camping. i want to go cabinning once too. sometime next summer hopefully. or maybe in the winter. that would be fun.

i’m really only writing this because there’s nothing on tv and i don’t want to do homework that’s due tomorrow. the camping trip came and went. it was such a blast. there were some low points, but all in all, it was a damn good trip. i just can’t believe it’s over now. all that time waiting for it, getting ready for the day to leave, and now i’m home again. both paula and me don’t want to go to school anymore. we’ve completely lost the will. after i’ve handed everything in, maybe i won’t. all we’re doing are presentations. i should go to law though. i think we’re still learning things.

i really enjoy reading people’s comments. apparently, this blog is being read by quite a few people. they’re probably all practicing the fine art of procrastination. but either way, it’s good to know. the whole point of it was to share things with people, and i’m doing that. if you can’t be bothered to write a comment every time, at least write one once in a while. i’d just like to get an idea on who’s reading it and what they think. or you can just tell me in person or online, like many others have done.

i’ll write about the camping trip in full detail tomorrow. unless you stay up all night, the update won’t be up until wednesday. stanley cup final tomorrow. it all comes down to this. come on calgary. don’t fuck it up. hopefully, we’ll all go to someone’s house, order pizza or something, and just chill while watching calgary kick tampa’s ass. sounds like a good night. i can’t wait. but first to write a portfolio, 15 minute english presentation, and godot questions. it sounds like a lot, but it’s all bullshit. i’ll be done in three hours *crosses fingers*.

well, it’s friday. i won’t be able to update my blog until sunday, and even then i shouldn’t. i’ll be far too busy doing school work . . . hahahahahahaha. ok, seriously, i will. the camping trip is finally here. i can’t wait to be on the road. i love road trips and driving. i just love listening to music, having random conversations, and travelling. i really want to go across canada one day. i suppose i could do it next year. but i have no money, and i won’t have any more by next year. i know i’ll be going to new york at some point. i promise kathy, one day soon. maybe next summer? but we definitely have to go! that will be one awesome trip.

i like camping. it’s great to just get away and hang out. nothing matters on vacation. it’s like you’ve faked your own death. there are no responsibilities except for the ones that keep you alive. it’s a lot of hassle beforehand though, because you don’t want to forget anything. and you have to worry about money, and in this case, crossing the border. i’m glad that we have two very nice people that offered to drive. well, i guess they didn’t really offer to drive, it was kind of pegged on them. but they’re still very nice for being so agreeable to it. i have to get money at some point, so i can buy things and pay some money for gas. it’s only fair. i hope someone brings a camera. capturing these memories is very important. *sigh* i’m listening to that sentimental song again. dammit. i’m not going to tell you what it is for fear of the destruction of my reputation.

happy belated birthday talena! eighteen already. now you can vote and make a difference. *rolls eyes* now you can buy porn and lottery tickets! THAT’S what i’m talking about. debauchery at it’s finest. that’s the real pleasure behind turning eighteen. i hope it was good one. we have to do something together soon. love you!

i suppose that’s it. i’ll probably update on monday and talk all about the camping trip. it’ll either be a blast or bust. hopefully the former. hooray for camping.

it’s again because i already wrote this post once…but because my computer is fucked up somehow, i lost it. so here we go again.

i really like making out. i mean just the kissing. farther than that is fun and everything, but it just becomes too routine, or mechanical. and it’s not as intimate. ok, some of it is, but for what is it is, kissing is just as intimate. i really like it when it’s a really passionate, spur of the moment type thing. those are good. it’s great when the guy’s really into it too. like he doesn’t want to stop. i’m sure you don’t really want to know this. but i’ll continue anyway. it’s even better when there’s everything i wrote and he started it. that’s like the best thing ever. it’s great when goodbyes turn into make out sessions. i like those too. but the guy really has to be into it. yep. i could sure go for one of those. this probably has to do with my need for acceptance. i always want to be wanted. i can’t take rejection. on any level. even if you think it’s nothing, it might mean a whole lot to me. it really depends on my mood. sometimes i just don’t care. other times i’ll be hurt by the little things. you wouldn’t even think twice about them, but i’ll remember it always. yeah, think about it.

after knowing someone for a while, you stop seeing them as they are and start seeing them through your point of view. these may be the same thing, or slight variations. they could be an entirely different person to how you first saw them. occasionally, you might get a glimpse of that first impression. but their true nature is always there. you get to see different sides of them, and then you have to put it altogether to get the whole thing. i always wonder how other people see me. i’m sure i’d be very surprised. just because most people don’t really know me. my vision of me would be very different to theirs. even the physical aspect would be different. stupid deep thoughts. like a bottomless pit. i’m always falling down it. now i start thinking about who i really am and what i’m doing with my life. but it’s all pointless anyway. when i think like this, it’s like two separate people. i disassociate from myself. there’s me, and there’s the outer me that’s looking at me. it’s very confusing. it’s almost like i’m trapped in somewhere i’m not supposed to be. it’s like my thoughts are almost too much for me to comprehend. they’re not, that’s just the best way i can describe it. so maybe, in actuality, they are. either way, i like kissing. and making out.

Making Out – No Doubt