for the last three hours, i’ve been trying to get back onto the internet. sympatico was down or something because my modem was working fine and blahblahblah. in short, it wasn’t my fault, so all i could do was sit and wait. wow. i honestly have no clue as to what i did before i had the internet. i’m absolutely sure this is a bad thing, but i don’t think i can live anymore without it. i don’t even know how i managed with dial up. this thing is my life line. i feel so disconnected without it. i really need to get out more and actually do things. so, if you’re reading this and want to help me, call me and invite me to do stuff. seriously! all i’ve done for the past week is sit here, by myself, and download movie after movie. with the occasional futurama episode thrown in. i’m begging with you people to save me.

kathy, iljya, mel, bushra, brett, trish and so on. i know you people do stuff all the time. if any of you read this call me. and don’t be scared of the answering machine. just leave a message. i promise i’ll call back. or better yet, i’ll answer while you’re leaving a message. or even just email me. let me know your plans. i want to do stuff with you!

this plea also applies to anyone reading this blog. more than likely if you’re reading it, i know you well enough to do something with you. and don’t think to yourself ’she doesn’t actually mean me.’ because i damn well do! even if you don’t talk to me on a regular basis, or at all, you should definitely start. and then we can do something together.

okay. now if i don’t hear from anyone in the next couple of days, i’ll take it personally. *shakes fist* you heard me! do it! thank you.

i am so bored right now. and my throat really hurts. pictures can be the most painful thing sometimes. i should never be left alone for more than twelve hours. it starts messing with my head. to be fair, it’s only been like six hours. great. more people should keep a website or blog or something, and constantly update them. i’ve already run out of things to read/do on the internet. well, things that involve people i know. maybe i should just get some god damn sleep. that’s probably the best idea.

i’ll watch some futurama instead. sound like a good idea? no? too bad. ok, just because it took me four tries to get ‘too bad’ written with correct spelling and grammar, doesn’t mean i’m sleep deprived. i’m perfectly fi juhnuyhjyjni sorry. i fell asleep on my keyboard. and yes, i found it very necessary to keep that in and make a big deal out of it. what? i found it funny. ah, nuts to you. rob zombie is cool. they’re playing him on the tv. it’s on some show. i don’t know what the show is. it’s on showcase at 6:13am, so it can’t possibly be good. or, maybe it’s so good that the programmers at showcase wanted to keep it for themselves, so they decided to keep it in this timeslot. do you see why i shouldn’t be left alone? ^that happens. that’s supposed to be an arrow pointing up by the way.

i like watching dumb, lighthearted comedies. sometimes they can really piss me off, but lately i haven’t been in the mood to watch anything that forces me to use my brain. simple, entertaining, possibly funny/corny is all i need (right now). for example: eurotrip, confessions of a teenage drama queen (i know, so sue me), 13 going on 30 (i hate jennifer garner. not because of the movie, just in general), final destination, and so on. i downloaded final destination because i read in the questions to trent reznor page at www.nin.com that someone dies while driving fast in a car and listening to the fragile. it isn’t what it sounds like. they eventually die. they don’t die while listening to it. which i thought is what the person meant. and that’s why i wanted to see it, because i couldn’t remember that. because i remembered that somebody died while listening to incubus in final destination 2. but not the nin thing.

wow, i sure have written a lot. maybe i’ll watch phone booth. can you believe i haven’t seen that movie? probably by the time you read this, i will (would?) have. but first, futurama like i promised. ok, i didn’t actually promise anything. futurama like i implied. there.

p.s. spell checking that was a bitch and a half!

i think i caught whatever sort of disease sean had/has. my immune system isn’t as shot as his, so i’m finding this more of an annoyance than an illness. i’ll pop a few vitamin c pills, drink some orange juice, and i’ll probably be fine. stupid throat. it hurts to swallow, and it feels like it’s swollen to hell. the night i spent locked out of my house freezing to death probably didn’t help either. plus all the drinking and lack of sleep. somehow, i don’t think those five hours were enough.

the jurassic bark episode of futurama is so sad. you watch his dog die while being totally alone and waiting for fry to return. so very sad.

i suppose i’ll go watch the simpsons now. it’s the episode where homer becomes the garbage commissioner. hahaha…that episode’s pretty funny. ‘potato man’ ‘where the hell have you been?’ and ‘well, i’m not one for speeches but thank you, you’re all screwed’ ‘he’s right. he’s not one for speeches.’

i did have the perfect topic to write about. but as the night progressed, i quickly forgot what it was. i had the perfect sentence as a starter and everything. now it’s gone to shit. on the bright side, life seems to be picking up. things are working out for some odd reason.

every time i start to write one of these, i lose interest in five minutes. i see why people stop updating after a while. i can’t find my key to my journal either, so i can’t write in that. i’d be writing far more interesting stuff.

i haven’t been learning guitar like i said i would. i did start playing final fantasy VIII again though. however, because i tend to favour characters in RPGs, i am totally screwed. i was to begin with, since i never play to level and only play to advance the plot. so now i’m stuck with one character at level 19 or 17. i think it’s 19. but that’s still horribly, neglectfully, low. even my strongest character is much lower than i’d like him to be. what can i say? i don’t like leveling. plus, leveling in this game actually makes your enemies’ levels higher too. another reason why i found it so frustratingly annoying. so, i’ll barely make it through the next boss, if at all.

i suppose that’s it for now. as things happen, i’ll update.

i decided i should have a hardcore update. in reality, nothing really happened, but there’s been a lot going on in my own head. i’m quite proud of the fact that i haven’t let it completely fuck me up though. a couple of weeks ago i probably would’ve been a total wreck. now my stupid, fucking bitch mother is on my case about nothing. this is why i hate being at home. everyone’s a fucking idiot. especially my mom. what a stupid bitch. thank god, she’s leaving. and i just remembered that she’s having pms. now that makes sense. this happens about once a month. she starts ranting and raving about every possible thing that could get on her case, a couple of days before she gets her rag. it’s actually very annoying, because she doesn’t see it that way, but me and my dad know it.

well, that little spat really made me not want to write anything. but on one last sidenote, some random person read this journal and actually wrote a comment. i thought that was the coolest thing. people should definitely write more comments. anyway, i’m done. 

a couple of days ago i received an outstanding e-mail from talena. it was the most heartfelt, touching, and realistic sentiment i’ve ever gotten. i didn’t write about it earlier because i didn’t have the words to describe how i really felt. i just got home from a party. it was quite good. but tal, let me tell you, it didn’t really help with the whole finding myself deal. in fact, i think it got me even more confused. but enough about that. i just had to say thank you so much for telling me how much you care. it was very reassuring to me. you know how much i need to feel accepted and you completely played to that side of me. it felt great. and i think that a lot of times i don’t help you as much as i could.

anyway, this is no place for me to gush and blabber about this kind of stuff. but i do really need to talk to you. i’ll call at some point. good luck with the moving deal. love you tal.