obliviously obvious

the last couple of days have been so boring. i chose sleep over waiting i was that bored. but it looks like this weekend’s going to be pretty good. i may go to canada’s wonderland on thursday with caroline and a bunch of her girl friends. we’ll see. i need to start playing video games or something. or a regular exercise routine. but a regular exercise routine isn’t exactly entertaining either. that’s why i don’t do it in the first place.

 

in light of my new found boredom, i have decided that by the end of the summer i’m going to learn guitar. it’s about frigging tome too. i’ve had my guitar for two years. learning is fun. i’m going to go play some video games. and then play some guitar.

i just had the most amazing dream ever. i’m not going into detail because it’s one of those things that’s too good to share. it would lose it’s magic if i were to describe everything. it can’t be exposed like that. but it was about something that has put me back into a happy frame of mind. i haven’t felt like this since two summers ago. it’s the hope of a crazy dream coming true. i’ve come to believe all the things that i once did in the past. i can’t seem to let go. and i don’t want to. wow, i’m fucking nuts. no, this is real. i’m sure there are lots of people that feel this way, but for me it’s actually real. and i know because i’ve had to live without it. and i wasn’t very happy. i don’t even want much, just be there, in my life. it’s not a fantasy, it’s my reality.

 

it will happen. i’m promising myself. this time nothing will stop me. i’m determined. for my own happiness, this is my goal right now. i hate to say it’s destiny, but i feel like it’s meant to be. wish me luck.

for the last week and couple of days, i’ve been going to summer school. this required me to wake up at 8:15am everyday. somehow i managed to get my 6-8 hours of sleep a night. i slept from 4-12 usually. it makes me think i should sleep like this all the time. these are the times when nothing ever happens. there’s nothing on tv, people are busy, and my parents are home. so this essentially leaves me with nothing to do. unfortunately, i can’t carry on with this routine when school starts. and i miss out on dinner everynight. so, because of these two reasons i have to get back into the routine of sleeping at night.

now i’m done summer school. i completely bombed the exam, but i still passed the course (i think). i have to check tomorrow. i went in with a 51.8, so even if i get 0 on the exam, i get a 51.8 in the course. so, now i finally have that out of the way.

now i’m bored of writing this.

i think the incubus concert recharged my batteries. at the same time though, i feel completely inferior in song writing ability. things don’t just flow out of me like they used to. i never liked any of my stuff anyway. it was always too mainstream for my liking. i can take other musical pieces apart, but i can’t put my own together. even the lyrics (my “strong point”) are cheesy at best. so rhymey and not even cliche. sub-par to cliche. which is sad beyond all reasonable limits. i don’t know if i need the music and then the words or vice versa. i think i do need the music first. i’ve got great one liners, but when put into a whole song, they’re so bad. it’s so disheartening. on the upside, i’m really in love with jeff. i was before, but now i really know it.

yesterday, when we were saying goodbye, i thought “i am completely in love with him.” i don’t just love him, i’m in love with him. it kind of creeps in on you. i didn’t even realize it. it’s something you know and you have for a long time, but only after you see it. this is terrible but, you don’t know it’s there until you do. after that, everything fits into place. i guess you just have to experience it. anywho, i figure i’m done for today.

stained glass jesus

i went to the incubus concert tonight. it was so good. it really rekindled my love affair with them. it’s such a great feeling, being at a concert. wow, brandon is so sexy. it’s not just the physical. he oozes sexiness. even the way he walks is sexy. actually, that was the moment when i swooned again. he just casually walked from the back of the stage to the front, and it was the sexiest thing i’d ever seen from 200 feet. i won’t even get into how good of a singer he is. every single performance i’ve seen him do (3 live. countless on tv etc) has been flawless. his voice is just so good. and he’s always in tune. just wow. and the other members (i do know their names) are so phenomenal as well. jose really showed his talent with that drum solo. ben also kicked ass at drums AND the bass. and mike is so awesome. his solos are insane. dj kilmore added those amazing touches to songs like ‘talk shows on mute’ and ’southern girl’. there was some growth in the band too. brandon now plays rhythm guitar when mike’s doing those crazy solos, and mike also plays the pinano (not a typo), while holding a guitar mind you. brandon had one of those realization moments on stage. he was in awe of the position he’s in. ‘it’s a trip.’ i believe were his words. and then he thanked us profusely again, with the intonation of disbelief and wonder of why so many people love incubus. why? because they kick so much fucking ass! at first, i thought their new album was all political and shit. but it really isn’t. and hearing all those songs live, made me see they’re actually incredibly awesome.

i’m ecstatic right now. i will see them in concert any chance i get. it is worth every penny. you’re guaranteed a good show. like i said, i have never seen them perform at any level below spectacular. amazing. i can’t wait for the next one.