obliviously obvious

i woke up at 11pm yesterday night. i haven’t slept since. i’m supposed to go somewhere tonight, but i really don’t feel like it right now. i was supposed to go out for dinner too, but i’m not hungry anymore. which is funny, because i was starving about 5 minutes ago. that’s what anger and disappointment do to a person. to a decent person at least. honestly, i’m really mad. maybe part of it has to do with the tiredness. or maybe he’s just an ass. the latter. that’s such a selfish thing to do. i had no idea he could be that way and be so stubborn about it. what a fucking jerk. some might think it’s a bad idea to post all this, but i need to have this written so i can remember just exactly what he can be like. also so i know how mad i can get. he’s probably going to be mad at me for this too. but fuck that shit. i have a fucking right to be mad. he’s probably not even going to try and do anything to fix it either because, of course, he thinks he’s right. i don’t know what upsets me more. he won’t do it for me or him. way to show that you really care. that’s such a shitty thing to do. he probably won’t even talk to me about it. it makes me feel so damn worthless. he can’t even spare less than 2 fucking hours just to support me. he’s thinking of himself more than me. what the fuck is that? that’s such bullshit. how can he say that he cares and then pull this kind of shit.

i guess i’m more hurt than i thought. maybe it just validates all these feelings that i’ve had. like i care more about him than he does for me. like i’m just a side token that can be thrown aside at his will. this is way more open then i originally intended it to be. we’ll see if anything happens from it. i’m in it now.