obliviously obvious

i haven’t written an update since thursday because, quite frankly, nothing happened. i had a short but interesting conversation with paula where i realized that i really am loved. it didn’t help her at all, and i did understand where she was coming from, but it kind of helped me. sorry paula. i feel bad that your misery indirectly brought me happiness. i would say nice things about you. and i wouldn’t have to lie.

i wish more people would talk to me on the phone. i like talking on the phone. i’m trying to talk to myself right now on MSN, but it’s not working. damn it. i need to start singing again. i miss it. i guess it makes sense that i’m going into post secondary for it. i mean i hope i am. to say i woke up at 2:30pm, i’m surprisingly tired. i finished full moon wo sagashite. i cried at the end. then i watched the ending again and cried again. i have gilgamesh now. i watched the first episode, but i haven’t felt like watching another episode since then.

i tried to have my hair curly today. i think it’s too short for me to do that, so i’ve decided as of right now, i’m going to grow my hair long. like obviously past my shoulders long. at a certain point though, my hair starts to look all crappy because of the lack of layers and whatnot. it gets really difficult to style/straighten too. i’ll just have to change my style. maybe when it gets to that stage i can have it curly. that’d be nice.

i really feel like eating cake right now. good thing i don’t have any. i’m finally starting to accept my body. i like the way it looks . . . sometimes. i’m sure if i did more aerobic exercise i could look exactly the way i want to look. most of the time i’m just so tired though. i would’ve done it today, but i was exhausted. i want some pictures taken of me so i can get an accurate view of how i look. i say this knowing full well that i’ll think i look too fat in these pictures. my goal is to be 105 on my scale. i’m 115 right now. i was 120 two weeks ago. i can’t believe i was 140 in december of last year. and that was before christmas, not after. oh well, i tell myself it’s not the number, it’s how i look. if i look thinner or more toned but i weigh 120, i’ll be happy. pictures of me would be great though. ha, that sounds funny out of context. i’d like to take tasteful naked pictures of me. maybe not completely naked. i’d wear nice/sexy lingerie. yep, i’d love those. anyway, that’s enough personal information for now.