obliviously obvious

i haven’t written an update since thursday because, quite frankly, nothing happened. i had a short but interesting conversation with paula where i realized that i really am loved. it didn’t help her at all, and i did understand where she was coming from, but it kind of helped me. sorry paula. i feel bad that your misery indirectly brought me happiness. i would say nice things about you. and i wouldn’t have to lie.

i wish more people would talk to me on the phone. i like talking on the phone. i’m trying to talk to myself right now on MSN, but it’s not working. damn it. i need to start singing again. i miss it. i guess it makes sense that i’m going into post secondary for it. i mean i hope i am. to say i woke up at 2:30pm, i’m surprisingly tired. i finished full moon wo sagashite. i cried at the end. then i watched the ending again and cried again. i have gilgamesh now. i watched the first episode, but i haven’t felt like watching another episode since then.

i tried to have my hair curly today. i think it’s too short for me to do that, so i’ve decided as of right now, i’m going to grow my hair long. like obviously past my shoulders long. at a certain point though, my hair starts to look all crappy because of the lack of layers and whatnot. it gets really difficult to style/straighten too. i’ll just have to change my style. maybe when it gets to that stage i can have it curly. that’d be nice.

i really feel like eating cake right now. good thing i don’t have any. i’m finally starting to accept my body. i like the way it looks . . . sometimes. i’m sure if i did more aerobic exercise i could look exactly the way i want to look. most of the time i’m just so tired though. i would’ve done it today, but i was exhausted. i want some pictures taken of me so i can get an accurate view of how i look. i say this knowing full well that i’ll think i look too fat in these pictures. my goal is to be 105 on my scale. i’m 115 right now. i was 120 two weeks ago. i can’t believe i was 140 in december of last year. and that was before christmas, not after. oh well, i tell myself it’s not the number, it’s how i look. if i look thinner or more toned but i weigh 120, i’ll be happy. pictures of me would be great though. ha, that sounds funny out of context. i’d like to take tasteful naked pictures of me. maybe not completely naked. i’d wear nice/sexy lingerie. yep, i’d love those. anyway, that’s enough personal information for now.

Auditory: 70%

Visual: 30%

Left: 37%

Right: 63%

Whitney, you show a slight right-hemisphere dominance with a moderate preference for auditory processing, an unusual and somewhat paradoxical combination of characteristics.

You are drawn to a random and sometimes nonchalant synthesis of material. You learn as it seems important to a specific situation, and might even develop a resentment of others who attempt to direct your learning down a specific channel.

Your right-hemispheric dominance provides a structure that is only loosely organized and one which processes entire swatches of reality, overlooking details. You are emotional in your reactions and perceptual more than logical in your approach, although you can impose structure and a language base when necessary.

Your auditory preference, on the other hand, implies that you process information sequentially and unidimensionally. This combination of right-brain and auditory modes creates conflict, as you want to process data more rapidly than your natural processes allow.

Your tendency to be creative and free-flowing is accompanied by sufficient ability to organize and be logical, allowing you a reasonable degree of success in a number of different endeavors. You take in information methodically and systematically which can then be synthesized rapidly. In this manner, you manage to function consistently well, although certainly less efficiently than you desire.

You prefer the abstract and are a theoretician at heart while retaining the ability to be practical. You find the symbolism in a great deal of what you encounter and are something of a “mystic.”

With regards to your lifestyle, you have the mentality which would be good as a philosopher, writer, journalist, or instructor, or possibly as a systems designer or social worker. Perhaps most important is your ability to “listen to your inner voice” as a mode of skipping over unnecessary steps to achieve your goals.

Figure yourself out

i just got back from the metallica concert. it was pretty damn good. i’m far too tired to write any descriptions. i also realized that my need for acceptance and “love” is due to my low self-esteem. this is a revelation for me that happened in the concert. i never actually saw that i had low self-esteem. now i know i do. i still haven’t figured out why or how to not have low self-esteem. i’ve been going about it all wrong though. i look to outside influences to make me feel better, and so when blahbalh, i’m too tired to think it into written terms. basically, i need more. i always need more. even i hate this at this point. i really don’t feel like writing anymore.

for some reason, mandy moore always gives me hope for my own singing career. whenever i see/hear her, it makes me believe in myself. it doesn’t make any sense because we have nothing in common. i guess it’s because she only has her voice. she’s not a gifted writer and she doesn’t sell her body, all she’s used to get where she is is her voice. and it’s not the best voice in the world.

i hate it when people that know nothing about you try and tell you things about yourself. unless they’re trained and can base that knowledge on something. but don’t tell me that i should be good at math because i like music, or that because music and math are supposedly related, they have anything to do with each other. let’s just say i hate teachers. teachers are idiots. always going on power trips. *sigh* i also hate it when people say that you don’t have the right to feel a certain way just because they feel they’re in a worse position than you. don’t tell me what i do or don’t have the right to feel. my feelings are valid whether or not you think they are in comparison to yours.

this weekend was good. i spent a lot of time with jeff, which i’m always happy about. i want to write more but i feel like i shouldn’t. all you need to know is that i’m happy. that and bears in convertibles are hilarious. i went to bed so early this weekend. i was dead asleep by 1:30am both friday and saturday. friday was fun. we saw the mississauga ice dogs play the brampton battalion. mississauga won. twas a good game. it was fun going out and doing something different. i just wish there were more different things to do. anyway, i’m done updating for now. i forgot. the metallica concert is on wednesday! oh yeah! i can’t wait.