i had to do this portfolio for this retarded class, but it made me realize that i haven’t really accomplished anything. everything i’ve done is in my head or not actually tangible. no wonder i have no self-esteem. i essentially have nothing to show for how i’ve lived for the past 18 years. i have my cd collection and my clothes, but that’s about it. i guess i have this (computer and blog). i don’t know why people think i’m a good writer. i still say it’s because they’re comparing me to dolts that don’t know the difference between its and it’s or there, their and they’re. i have no pride in what i do either because i tend to do things just to do them, not because i want to or because it means something to me. lousy high school. it’s such a terrible institution. it’s not a very good way to teach teenagers, or anyone for that matter. i’m so glad i never have to go there again. *sigh of relief*

i love putting on random lists that i made in the past and then just letting it play instead of skipping every song like i usually do. it makes me discover songs.

i got a phone call the other day. it lasted five hours. it was good. now i have to send a letter and a contract. i need to start writing in my journal again. i miss handwriting things. besides, i was supposed to have filled this particular journal last year. it’s supposed to be one per year, but it never works out that way.

i’ve said it before but i’ll say it again: i am a hopeless romantic. i can’t help it. i watched serendipity today and i almost cried. shoot me, please? no wait, don’t. i like living.

i have this irrational fear of calling people. it’s quite the annoyance. even when people tell me to call them, i won’t. something else that’s annoying is the incuboard going down. i have things to say dammit.

well, that was a productive little rant. i’m supposed to go to jeff’s game tonight, but one of the above is keeping me from taking any steps in that particular direction. see if you can guess which one. i think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.