i cannot call people. if i know there’s only one person that could answer, i can be okay. but calling people at home where anyone could answer scares the hell out of me. i love answering machines when i’m calling someone like my vocal teacher or what have you. i just finished calling two people and i’m still shaking. that’s anxiety disorder for you. i’ve been feeling sick all morning because i had to make these phone calls. i don’t even know what it is, it’s just one of those irrational fears that i have. pretty much all of my mental hang-ups are unjustified. that’s why they’re hang-ups. if i know the exact cause and reason behind them, i could learn to not have them.
we went bowling on saturday night. that was fun. i beat jus, and that’s all that counts. it was nice seeing moni again. i miss those summer days when everything was new and fun. i miss summer and warmth. i miss songs without connotation. i miss school being fun. i think i miss having something to look forward to.
someone needs to have a party. i’m having a party sometime in june or july (preferably june) for my birthday. my parents are renting a cottage. i don’t know if i already wrote about this, but whatever. if you read this, you’re probably invited. don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of notice. it should be a good drunken time in the middle of nowhere.
March 30th, 2005 at 1:47 am
Oh man.. cottage, boose, pot… friends… im SO there!
March 30th, 2005 at 3:35 am
I read this. Does that count?
That sounds pretty cool though. Beer, pot, and north go together so well. But only in the summer. North + winter = bitter cold.
March 31st, 2005 at 2:48 am
i have phone issues too, answering machines are so good. although mine have nothing to do with who answers, i don’t want to talk to the person i’m calling. i’m fine with calling perfect strangers, like to book an appt. but if i have to call a friend it wrecks me. i just can’t do it much of the time. never call somebody unless i have a specific purpose in mind and the conversation mapped out. there are very few people that i can actually call without worrying about it for quite a while first. it’s messed up, gotta love that good old anxiety disorder.
ps “don’t slip on the self-pity. i’ll clean it up in the morning.” love that. i’ll have to use it sometime. at least you clean yours up. most people just wallow in it. how unsanitary.
March 31st, 2005 at 9:31 am
if LIV is the olivia that lives on the street behind me, add seanholmes@hotmail.com dammit.