obliviously obvious

i’m utterly bored, but all i feel like doing right now is curling up in a big bed in the arms of someone i love aka jeff. hah, you would never know that i hate writing personal stuff like that.

i really have to start writing in my journal again. it’s therapeutic just to physically write with paper and pen. i haven’t done it in a long time. i don’t think i can be that honest right now. at least not for the next week or so. i need to stay focused on my auditions. when i write, i just let myself spill onto the pages. i don’t know if i’d be more scared of what was written or that nothing was written at all. i feel i’ve lost my creative ’spark’, if you will. i think it comes with learning the rigidness and regulations of my one passion: music. i always knew all the rules, but when you learn and apply them to everything, it’s really a downer. eventually it will be more of a help than a burden, but at the moment it’s more tiring than anything else.

on a positive note, my teacher seems really taken with my voice. she says it’s absolutely fabulous and with the right coaching i could really go places. that’s a relief, since i want to go places. i still need to acquire my adult voice, but i haven’t had enough experience. i have to do well at these auditions. as much as i’m scared of turning everything upside-down, i very badly need something like this in my life. any sense of purpose is always a good thing.

topic change. i love going out. i love getting dressed up, hitting the clubs/bars and just randomly going from place to place. walking city streets at night is so much fun and is always an adventure, even if it is just a little on the scary side. i think my time in montreal was probably the best. groups of random brown guys are very scary, but hilarious, especially when they try to pick-up your friend because she’s brown. another thing i love about downtown(s) is the shopping. all the nice/expensive stores are in the main cities. how could i forget my time in new york? that is a magical city. every time i go there, it just gets better and better. for me, it’s just fantastical. they have some of the most beautiful (and famous) cathedrals there. they’re so gothic and elaborate. ooh, and the skyline is to die for. it’s similar to toronto but with an added element.

that was certainly an eclectic entry. not anything close to what i was aiming for. oh well, that’s the beauty of winging an entry.

p.s. i keep having sharp pains in my right ear, but it’s not an ear infection. also, i like going out for breakfast. it’s romantic on some level.