obliviously obvious

you know how i wrote in a previous post that alcohol makes me do dumb things. apparently, i had no idea how bad it could get. after hearing some of the things i was doing last night, i don’t want to drink again. i really wish i hadn’t drunk so much. i’m so sorry to anyone i may have offended. i’m sorry to myself for letting me get that way. i hate myself so much right now. i really can’t believe the things i did. i honestly turn into a different person when i’m drunk. a person that i hate. i thought i hated myself before. that was nothing compared to this. i can’t even find the shirt that i was wearing in some pictures. i don’t know where it is. i assume it’s somewhere at jeff’s, but i can’t be sure. i really hope jeff isn’t mad at me, but i wouldn’t be surprised if he was. there’s nothing like doing something really dumb and jeopardizing everything to make you realize exactly what you have. fuck, i still can’t believe it. fuck. why didn’t i just stop drinking? oy! i really need to see jeff now. i just need to hear it from him. i need his opinion, whether good or bad.

at least i got a picture of me and jeff kissing. although, it kind of looks like jeff hates me, which maybe he did at the time. i hate me and the things i do when drunk. god damn alcohol. i really want to go back in time. you have no idea how badly i want to take that night back. or at least all the dumb things i did. and that’s only the things i don’t remember. i remember a lot, and that wasn’t any good either. knowing things about people makes life difficult. oh well. it won’t matter in a few years. i say that, but i think otherwise. okay, time to stop thinking about it. why? why did i do those things? why didn’t anyone stop me? why didn’t i stop myself?