i guess it’s time to come clean. i haven’t been spreading the news that i have two floor tickets to the nine inch nails concert in november at the acc. the problem now is that the person who i thought i would go with bought tickets of his own. i’d go with jeff, but i don’t know how much he wants to go. plus, he’s a fan of nin, but not a huge fan where floor tickets mean something to him. so i’m calling out to anyone who reads this and is a fan of nin and can be in toronto for november tenth. i’d really rather it be a guy, a guy taller and bigger than me (not hard to do), just because the floor gets rather rough. but, if that can’t be arranged, a girl would be fine too. a nin fan would be preferable, of course, otherwise i’ll just take jeff. i think i already have someone else in mind, but i’ll see what jeff says first. by the by, it’s not free. you will have to pay for the ticket at some point. there are no trade-offs either. it has to be cash. if it was my money, i’d let you buy me drinks until it was paid, but it’s not.

i was supposed to get something delivered to me last week, but it still hasn’t come. i wonder which case it was pertaining to? i guess i’ll find out eventually.

in school news, i don’t know if i’m going to the brock audition. i’m pretty sure i’m half a credit short of my ossd, which would mean no university until i get that. unless brock’s really desperate . . . nah, that would never happen. i’m disappointed, i won’t lie, but this is what’s happening so there’s no point in dwelling on it. i’ll work for a year, make some money, and just learn about life. of course i regret it, but i can’t do anything about it now. plus, i have no money as it stands right now. i also have absolutely no work ethic, so i probably would’ve failed my first year anyway. and i mean an actual fail not like how everyone uses the word fail. having responsibility with something that isn’t costing me $20 000 first is definitely a good thing. i know i’m disappointing people that are close to me, including myself, but i’m not in a rush. even now, i have doubts as to whether i want to go for music or something else. however, i’ve heard from two sources that i trust with everything in me, that if you don’t do what you love, you’ll fail. i think that goes double for me. it’s just a matter of deciding which kind of bullshit i’ll hate the least that comes with what i love. this is making me slightly disheartened. i have to stop.

in personal news, i’ve decided to finally stop hating so much and be happy. i’m letting go. it was destroying things too dear to me for me to keep going. all that hate, jealousy and envy was wearing me down, and i’m sure it was beginning to show despite all my efforts to keep it hidden. i just hope that my choices won’t be too destructive in the future. i’m trying to put myself back on track and back to how i used to feel. i’m putting it behind me. i’m cutting everything out. i’m also putting all the advice that i’ve gotten over the past two weeks into practice. i must say, it was all exponentially good, and i just hope that it works. i’m also getting my hair cut and dyed a lot lighter on monday. a light brown with blonde highlights. if it’s not good, i’ll just go back to black, since a lot of people opposed the blonde idea. i think it’ll be good. i’ve been dying my hair black for too long. it’s really time for a change. and then maybe after that i’ll be really bold and let my natural hair colour grow out. it’s a very interesting shade of brown in the right light. it’s almost auburn and purpley. it’s actually very nice, but only in a lot of light, which is a shame. okay, now i’m done.