i am no longer pursuing modeling. i don’t want to talk about it, so i’m not going to.

i registered for bartending today. i’m dreading it. maybe it’s just my mood today, but i really, really, really don’t feel like learning things with a group where i have to be all nice and sociable. i am not your friend. i’m here to learn, not make friends. apparently i’m different to the majority of people. most people have friends who aren’t really their friends because they don’t like anything about them, nor do they have anything in common, yet somehow just because they’re ‘nice people’, they’re a friend. personally, i see this as a big lie. i can understand how you can spend time with these people if you have to, because they’re nice and don’t do any harm. they may even be somewhat fun to be around in certain situations. what i don’t understand is how you can call them a friend and see yourself as obligated to them in any way. people that i had classes with who i talked to occasionally and didn’t hate, were not my friends. yes they were nice people, but they weren’t my friends. i enjoyed spending time with them when i was with them, but i wouldn’t go out of my way to spend time with them because they’re not my friends. and i think i’m just ranting now because it’s kind of a personal chip that i have, today was not a good day, and i don’t want to talk about what’s really bugging me. i never will talk about it.

i think a few people i know deal with the masses in the same way that i do, but the rest . . . not so much. i just don’t see a point to it. it’s a big lie. that’s what i see it as. if that makes me antisocial, good. i’d rather be antisocial than a liar. i have to stop ranting about this.

good news (kind of bad news too): my first class is october 2nd, which means i can go to meatfest without any limitation. the kind of bad news means that for my last class, my parents will be away, so i’ll have to get downtown by 10am somehow. i’ll cross that bridge when it gets here.

i’m going to go attempt to make myself not look like crap in an effort to make me feel better.