obliviously obvious

i don’t know how to feel right now. i’m in a happy moment, but it’s like something else is trying to bring me down. the angle that’s being brought to my attention isn’t bothering me as much as it used to. i’m actually finding it adding to my happiness. not to mention that i’m just presuming a lot of things, and the real answer could be anything. is it always best to assume the worst, even if you’ll never find out the truth? i just hope it doesn’t interfere with my plans, or cause me to start planning something else. not like i’d be successful, even if i did try. i just have to let go. so far, with all the test thoughts, i’m okay with it.

my celebrity crush of the moment is tom delonge. crush seems like the wrong word. it’s a semi-romantic admiration. not even semi. i don’t know. i have no intentions or thoughts of any romantic encounter with him, i just like who he is. i don’t know if i think he’s attractive because of that, or if i thought he was attractive and then liked him. i think it was a mix of both. it’s not like i want to marry him or anything, i just like the guy and i happen to find him attractive. i would however like him to like me. this kind of thing doesn’t really happen to me a lot with people i know, but when it does, i usually have to have them, one way or another. of course, it’s usually romantically based when involving someone i know.

it’s really weird thinking back to before jeff and i were a couple. i don’t see him as the same person anymore. he is the same person, i just see him differently. we’ve been through so much together. we’ve done the whole role-reversal thing with a few different situations. even though it’s been so long, he still has the ability to surprise me.

i’m too tired to continue. sleep time pour moi.