Oct 26
trading places
i’m doing it again: i’m naively getting my hopes up for university and the prospect of having a productive life. i’m looking at a lot of universities from out of the province and country. i’m scared at what it might mean, but a separation is inevitable at some point. nothing is definite, but that option has the better chances. it’s all about timing.
i sometimes wonder if things are really meant to be, or if we can make things happen if we try hard enough. our choices dictate what happens in our lives, but sometimes choices are forced. sometimes our lives provide two paths to happiness, and we have to give something up in order to have the other one. i wonder if it’s impossible at this point in my life to not have the other path connect somewhere in the future. things are so weird now. i could say if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. what if it’s only meant to be if i do it? ugh, too many things to think about. i suppose i should be lucky to have two ways of being happy. then there’s always the fact that there’s no guarantee of happiness either way. oy vey.
i’m going to stop thinking and read my chuck palahniuk novel.
11:15 pm – two things: 1. i really, really feel like learning things. i’m sick of being in this educational drought and 2. i think i’d be one of those mothers who purposely wakes up her child to so i can comfort it and feel needed. i’m deranged, right? deranged and demented.
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it’s time and sentimentality that cloud the mind’s ability to judge
just so i don’t forget it.
About being a mother that wakes up her child only to feel needed…I understand that. I can see myself doing that. If that’s of any consolation. Probably not, lol.
I think that’s the reason most people have children.
think of all these young teens that decide to have a baby. They think it’s going to make them happy and fullfilled.