i’m torn right now because i want something, but i don’t know if it’s even possible to have it. maybe it is just the timing. maybe it’s just not meant to be. maybe i’m too tired for this and should go to sleep.

i’ll update later today. i wrote down some random thoughts on my bus ride home. what happened? where did it go wrong? is there anything left to salvage and is it even worth it? but i can’t let go. i can’t let go of memories, so how in the hell am i supposed to forget a person when they’re constantly there? it’s really weird that i can’t write about this in my journal. it almost feels too permanent, too real for me to write it down. i might come to a conclusion that i don’t like. i might realize things that i don’t want to see. i said i could let go. i said that i loved him so much that i could do it. it wasn’t supposed to be like this. it was supposed to leave both of us happier, not in doubt and confusion. oy vey.

my regular sedative kicks in yet again. too much pressure, too many options and too many consequences.

5:32 pm – i’m desperately lonely and bored. i don’t know what to do. i want to call or something, but i feel as though i shouldn’t/can’t. i don’t know what to do with myself.