Nov 20
winded
have you ever been punched in the stomach? if you have, then you’ve experienced a similar sensation to what i’m feeling now. it’s the feeling of finding out that things aren’t going to go exactly how you pictured them. the plans and scenarios i had in my head aren’t going to come to fruition. this kind of thing always throws me for a loop. it puts me on edge and makes me want to just stay in a comfort zone. it’s really not a big deal, i think i was just surprised, but i’m slightly saddened too. is it bad that a large majority of my happiness comes from one person? i think paula knows what i’m talking about when i say that as much as i hate it, i like it too. it’s just really scary and sometimes unpredictable. i want to be an independent person, but i like having that secure feeling of him. it’s weird. i guess it’s just because i know no matter what the situation, if he’s there, i’ll be okay. and now i’m tearing up probably due only to hormones, but they’re there nonetheless. i’ll still have fun tonight, it’s just not the kind of fun i was expecting. it’s going to be even harder for me not to drink, but more imperative that i don’t since i don’t have my ’security blanket’ with me.
time to get ready and head out.
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