obliviously obvious

technically, i didn’t because of the updates in the last post, but they were in the last post, thereby making them a part of yesterday.

i was in a really foul mood yesterday. i’m glad i pulled an all-nighter. there’s nothing like depriving my brain of sleep to put me in a far too giddy mood. i made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. they were so good. i also put a toque on my dog, and every single time i walked into the living room from the kitchen, she’d look at me and i couldn’t help but laugh. it was partly due to the exhausted giddiness and because animals wearing clothing is hilarious, as well as cruel and unusual. i think we should buy her booties for christmas so that she’ll actually go out in the rain without a fuss. she doesn’t make a fuss, but after a while she just huddles by your legs until you start to head home.

why are all of the hobbies that i’m interested in so expensive to pursue?* i ‘d really like to get into photography more, but not so much the technical aspect. i like being able to capture beautiful moments. that’s why i love candid pictures. they portray an exact moment where only true emotion is visible. that’s what i look for when i take pictures. the moment when you know that the subject is completely engulfed in one feeling, or colour, or mood. simple, singular and clear expression. i really have a passion for it. i want to go out right now and do it. i wish i had good equipment. i almost wish i had the patience for photoshop, but i feel that’s cheating in some ways. or maybe it’s an art in itself, just not one i’m interested in at the moment.

my other hobby, that i really want to take up again, is horseback riding. i miss it so much. you wouldn’t believe how much of a workout it is either. you’re basically working your entire body all at the same time. especially if you do it bareback. now that’s fun.

i really have to start singing again. i need to find a good teacher. i need to find someone that pushes me and challenges me to reach new and higher levels. i suppose that’s what university is for. i’m so not ready to face that whole thing again. i feel like i just finished receiving and replying to all the acceptance letters, information packages and financial information guides. i really don’t feel like facing it again right now. not to mention the fact that i have no idea where i want to go, why i want to go or what i want to do there. i was so set on western but now i don’t know. i don’t even know why my interest in london dwindled in the first place. perhaps because i feel like i’d be too isolated there. i think it’s too small for me. i think i need a big city right now. either that or my own circle of entertainment/friends to be with me. i won’t start on my overwhelming fear of losing people; anyone and everyone. i just don’t know if i’m mentally and emotionally secure enough for something like this. i wish i couldn’t say that. i wish that i could just dive in and know that i could handle anything that came my way. but i know i’m not that person right now. i really need to see a therapist or something.

i watched a lot of gilmore girls today. it wasn’t the most i’ve ever watched, but it was a fix i needed. lorelai reminded me of myself in the episodes i watched today. she had a fight with her boyfriend and all she wanted was to just talk about it, talk through it, with him. but he needed to think and be by himself for an indeterminable amount of time. meanwhile, lorelai’s left with this uncontrollable need to say or do something about it. she can’t focus on anything but the relationship problem, and she becomes distracted from the other facets of her life. then she had a crazy dream. then she called her boyfriend and left a long, rambling, nonsensical message while crying. see? totally like me.

alright, i think that’s enough. i could say more about random crap that i don’t care about at all (read: xbox360), but i won’t. goodnight.

i forgot to mention that my boobs are bigger. it’s probably just pms, but i have to admit i kind of like them this way.

*i hate grammar. i like taking poetic license. i don’t care if the verb is in the correct placement in relation to the pronoun. if you know what i mean, it’s good enough for me and it should be for you. i do have a few hang-ups though.

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