i don’t want to feel this jealousy anymore. it doesn’t even make sense. i just don’t have that kind of bond with people, so i’ll never understand. quite frankly, i’m glad i don’t have that bond. it makes you do extremely idiotic things for very little reasoning. and most of the time, you end up regretting or hating the idiotic thing you did. so really, i win. the only reason why i’m not continuing with this is because i’m in such a foul mood, that i can’t even be bothered to hate anyone right now. i know, right? this isn’t me. i’m more in a self-loathing type of life. i was so naive. of course it won’t be at ‘home’. it’ll be at not home, but spends more time there anyway. argh. the frustration. i hate it all.

my family life is so far from normal. nobody else’s even comes close. for starters, i’m a mummy’s girl. that’s not supposed to happen, especially considering i’m an only child.

i’m so horribly bitter. i don’t know if it’s just right now, or always. a long time ago i mentioned that i was going to write down some things that i noticed during the day. i’m finally going to post those things: everything today is sad. fall usually brings hope but it seems disheartening now. old men walk funny. there are a lot of dogs where i live. it’s sad for some reason. fall=school=past=reminiscing+nostalgia. nostalgia is painful. when i have nothing now, i want the past. but i’m always never as happy as i was ‘then’.

i’m a happy person, aren’t i? i really desperately need to sing. i don’t remember the last time i did. it’s pretty much the only therapy i have. the hard part is choosing which cds are the right ones to put into my cd player. my pc speakers aren’t good enough to compete with me, but my whole music collection is on my pc. it makes it easy to skip and search for the exact song that i need to sing. i don’t have anything challenging anymore. i can’t even begin to think of what i want.

i was promised a sub yesterday. i didn’t get one and now i want nothing else. i’m sick of having cramps and huge boobs. none of my bras fit properly. it’s annoying. my hair is really blond now. i like it, but this will probably be the last time i do this. for now, anyway. i can’t take this frustration anymore, so i’m off to sing.