obliviously obvious

i’m on my way to a new computer. it’s stopped killing me, but there’s only so much i can do without one. it’s been a month or so and i’m finding myself enjoying the bad habits i used to keep. the things i wanted to stop in the past, i’ve now decided that i actually like them and want to continue. i won’t be able to stop until i lose interest on my own for my own reasons. if i tell myself to stop because i shouldn’t, i will and do still want to do it. i’ll just skip the guilt trip part and enjoy it.

i read that paragraph over and it sounds pretty bad. i assure you, it’s not as bad as it sounds. or maybe it is. i don’t know what kind of demented people you are. meh. i don’t care either way.

on a completely unrelated note: it’s been two and a half years and i couldn’t be happier. yay! i’ve been ecstatic for the last two months or so. even more so in the last three weeks. i just hope that my happiness isn’t dashed to pieces with an inevitable return. time will tell. it seemed to be correlated, but i doubt it actually is.

i work on saturday night. i’ve missed working. not only for the money, but my job is actually fun. i’ll be working every weekend from now on. that means i’ll have extra cash to go to my pc. i plan on spending it on the video card and the processor, possibly the motherboard. it depends on what i can use from my old one. i’ve been doing my homework and i can’t wait to actually go out and buy the parts, put it together and finally have a computer that’s stellar in performance. i suppose i should sleep sometime soon.

i’ve been looking at university options. it’ll cost me $400 to apply to all the programs i want. i should probably cut out at least two of them because i don’t think i’d go even if they were the only ones i was accepted to. i don’t know if i want to do a psychology major either. i’d definitely do it as a minor to music if i thought i could handle it. i know i could, i just don’t know if i’d want to. there are lots of decisions that are like that. i’d love to go to julliard for my masters, and that is the plan, but i don’t know if i like the thought of giving something up for it. the future is just that. there’s no point worrying about it until it’s already here. blah.

i have so much to do. one thing at a time. at least i’m not up to my ears in debt. this time next year i will be. oh god, i’ll be twenty. the first year in the most meaningful decade of my existence. at least i’ll be on the right track to what i want to do. at least, i think i will be. it could turn out that music is not my thing after all. i’m screwed if that’s the case. or maybe not. okay, too many what ifs here. time to stop thinking and just read . . . about pcs, video cards, hyper-threading etc.