obliviously obvious

two weeks from now, i’ll be twenty years old. that is too old.

update – i’m sad and i don’t know why. i think it’s partly the low self-esteem acting up along with the realization that things i’ve been trying not to be worried about, are fastly approaching. i should probably talk about it, but i don’t think it’s the right time yet. a little later. but only a little.

i hate pms. i turn into a bawling mess. although, i do tend to rhyme more. is it worth it? not in the slightest.

i just stared at my monitor for five minutes straight, not doing anything, not wanting to do anything.

i can’t sleep, but there’s nothing else i want to/can do right now.

update – i hate déjà vu.

oh man. that was so bad i woke myself up out of it and i’m shaking now. i’m gutted.

i’m in a very fragile/bad mood again. i think i’ve been thinking too much about things that don’t actually exist. i know my ideas are wrong and i’m just crazy, but they still pop into my head without any warning. once that’s happened, it’s already too late. it doesn’t help that the game is on tonight. i know the truth, which is a help, but any sort of satisfaction on the other end bothers me. i really just want to go on a rampage and tell everyone what’s actually going on, but that would only lead to my slight happiness and other people being mad at me.

ugh, i hate not having my own room. i’m on the edge of snapping at someone. i wish it could be a person that deserves it. that would be great. i know myself though, and i would end up holding my tongue for posterity’s sake.

everything that’s happening just makes me madder. this is a bad day.

i need my own room. or a room far away from people that i don’t want to hurt/have the ability to hurt me.

update – why am i letting myself get worked up over this?

another update – i hate msn messenger right now. it will let me sign in to any hotmail account except my own. grr!

why am i so irritable? i hope it’s just because of my canker and the pain it’s causing me. i put baking soda on it and it burned so bad. i can’t write anymore. i’m too irritable.