obliviously obvious

okay, not really, but i’m sure it’s close enough.

i glanced through the booklet of my newly arrived course, and as with all subjects not dealing with numbers, it intrigued me. i’m looking forward to ‘learning’ again. learning is really just fitting terms with ideas/thoughts i’ve already formulated, processed and fully understood. maybe i should challenge myself and try math; stretch my thinking in another direction and become smarter and more diverse. become more lateral instead of linear. or am i lateral wanting to be more linear? it’s probably the latter.

i’m hoping to go into audio engineering or entertainment business (not really what it’s called, but i’m too lazy to reach two feet down and check) in september. that reminds me that i have to fill out an application form today. hopefully it won’t be more than $10 000 for one year. if it is, i’m just shit out of luck. i’ll have real job searching to do come september. along with that comes my true joy of learning music again, which will happen no matter what my school situation is.

i think i’ve had almost enough time of doing nothing. i shouldn’t be thinking about a year from now, but i can’t stop myself. i suppose the upcoming year will help determine what i’ll do. i hate that i have to plan and know right now what i want for next year. i have to start applying to universities/colleges (more money, ugh i can’t believe i’m doing it again!) and fret about making the right choices, having enough money, where i’m going to live and essentially what i hope to be doing for the rest of my life. is it any wonder i’ve been putting it off for so long?

oy vey! enough talk of this. time to watch some evil dead two. i think i’ll get dead alive in the meantime. ha ha ha.

p.s. things are really great right now. i’m super happy. i only want one thing to happen.

this weekend was great. it was just like old times. not that new times are bad, i just have this tendency to only enjoy things when they’re in the past. it’s a process of thought that i’ll explain at another time. right now, i’m too tired and happy to think about it. plus, i know what i mean, so that’s all that really matters.

that’s how i like it, that’s how i’ve got it, so i’m going to revel.

happy happy happy! i’m a happy girl.

i want to go to australia. or somewhere to learn to surf.

it’s been heaven, with pieces of hell provided by myself. i can’t believe it. i’m so lucky and so happy. sometimes i lose sight of what i have, but i’ve been correcting that. it’s hard to believe, but incredibly reassuring and pleasurable, that it wasn’t luck. i’m euphoric. the only thing that would make me happier is if i was with him -right now-. oh well, he’ll be home soon.

i’m still not over this twenty thing. in some weird way, i also never thought i’d be here now. i’ve written many a journal entry over that fear/thought.

random aside: my puppy is so cute.

i wish i could feel this happy all the time. i wish i could spread this happiness to everyone i love, just so they know that things will be alright.