obliviously obvious

i love my jeff. anything to do with him makes me smile. i have a picture of him when he was younger taped to my monitor so i can see him when i’m doing stuff. it makes me happy. i’m so glad he won yesterday. he played so well too. he’s amazing, in every way.

i hate leaving sad/angry posts up, so i’m writing this. i’m feeling much better. i guess it was just a bad afternoon. however, i do still think i look fat, but that won’t stop me from eating double stuf oreos. i got two bags for $5.00 flat. both jeff and i were surprised at the flat part.

now i’m going to eat fattening burger king or mcdonald’s. oy, i need to work out. tomorrow, for sure. weights tonight, definitely.

i think i’m starving myself as some sort of punishment or control. i’m too unhappy to eat and if i ate, i wouldn’t have any physical pain. wow, i am messed up.

i don’t know why, but i’m sad. maybe it’s just low blood sugar and lack of sleep. i think it has to do with a laptop, or lack thereof. possibly asinine behaviour was involved, so to speak. it probably leads back to the whole nonsensical actions of others again. i just don’t know why it would bother me so much. because the consequences are costly and ridiculous when the answer can be easy. whatever. it’s not my place. it just seems silly.

i feel so apathetic. i hate this feeling. i like caring about stuff.

i kind of want to go tomorrow but i don’t know why; to offer support? prove we’re still good? free food? ah, spend time with jeff. i’m also hungry now, but i should be sleeping, especially considering that i’ll be going to school in just over a week and i have to get up at ass o’clock. there’s also the fat and calories to consider. i really don’t need anymore reasons to hate the way i look. i’m already unhappy enough as it is. sleep (which i won’t be able to do) or eat (which i’ll hate myself afterwards for)?

i planned on having a mega singing session on friday, i think. it didn’t happen. i need to sing.

i guess i’ll go make myself something to eat.

a couple of weeks ago i came across vox. it’s another blogging application, but it has google ads built in (which you don’t get money for, vox does) and it’s too ‘community’ based. it has all that linking crap and most designs are frightfully messy. i’m completely turned off by it. it’s easy to use, but so is blogger, and there are so many reasons to like blogger more. for one, it’s essentially a site and can be linked to a site as just the blogging portion. i could go on, but i won’t. end of the story is vox is for mentally and socially challenged, blind, immature morons. just browse around for a bit and you’ll see what i mean. it’s pretty much blogging for the myspacers. here’s mine, which is cleaner and more organized than most others. plus, it’s got turtles.

as you can see, i made a few changes to this. i also now have the choice to restrict readers and only let whoever i want to read it. i haven’t made up my mind about this. i kind of wish it could be done for each individual post. i think that’s coming in the near future. there’s also the added feature of ‘labels’. i could go back and add categories to each post, and maybe i will someday. likely, new categories and posts will sporadically pop up as i browse my older entries.

anyway, write me a comment and let me know what you think of the colours and layout. i haven’t made up my mind completely and i’m open to suggestions that don’t suck. heh.

p.s. i know i should be in bed right now because i have my orientation at 3pm, but you know me; i’m cukcoo . . . for cocoa puffs.