it’s true, i do. the only important one, and the only one i truly love is jeff. he’s going to be doing so much travelling and hockey stuff. it’s so awesome. i’m so proud of my jeff. i’m absolutely ecstatic. i actually got tears in my eyes when the full impact of it hit me. i’m so happy for him. no one else deserves this more.

in other news, i spent the night drinking with my classmates at one of their houses. it was quite fun. had a few laughs, some interesting conversations. we’ve all been invited to thanksgiving dinner. that would be really fun. we’ve got a good group of people happening. ooh, i got approved for the loan finally. so i’m officially in the school and owing just under . . . well, i won’t say how much, but it’s a lot.

i should probably hit the bed before my alcohol buzz/tiredness wears off. i’ve been having trouble sleeping lately, so i think (read:hope) tonight should be different.

i’m still in love with you.

i’ve been meaning to move on from that last post simply because i feel . . . stupid for admitting that. it’s almost too personal, or maybe it seems too shallow for me to want to share it publicly. me talking about it now isn’t helping.

i finally took my bartending test and i got 87%. not bad, but not great either. i guess it’s okay considering i took the course about a year ago. i mostly screwed up on glassware and the rare drinks that no one orders: yellow bird, champagne cocktail and a dr pepper. working in the club industry didn’t help either because you’re making basic screws or fizzes (ooh, industry lingo) and you use one type of glass no matter what. also, beer comes in a can or bottle, so i didn’t get to test out my pouring skills or any mixed beer drinks.

it’s two a.m. i’ll go to sleep soon. i have class at three and an assignment due at twelve.

on the suggestion of my teachers on the basis of including video and sound into an electronic media kit, i’ve downloaded a lot of free audio and video editing software. i’ll talk about my adventures into audio and video editing at a later time. it’s so much fun. before i started, i was so excited to be able to manipulate the things i create. i don’t know why people complain that it’s so laborious. it’s just plain fun. the hard part (and i’ve always known this) is making decisions as to what needs to be cut, or which drum loop truly sounds better. it’s the agony of not being sure if what you’ve pieced together is an accurate portrayal of the idea behind the media.

i could go on like this, but there’s sleep to be had.

p.s. i forgot to add that i got the best phone call today. jeff surprised me at midnight with a phone call. it was so good just to hear his voice. it kind of made me miss him more though. i was already going through withdrawal.

whenever i feel crappy or just down in the dumps, i want to dress up and make myself look really pretty. i try a new make-up style. i experiment with different colours and techniques (half the reason i look at celebrity gossip sites is for fashion, and mostly make-up ideas). i go through my closet and try to come up with new and interesting outfits that i haven’t worn before, or in a while. i do my hair, because i’m too poor to get it ‘did’. when i say i ‘do’ my hair, i mean i bother to blow dry it and then straighten/curl it.

of course, this always leads me to believe that i don’t have enough clothes (of the kind that i want, anyway) and i don’t have enough shoes. the latter point is very true. i only wear my boarding shoes to class because i take the bus, but if i drove i’d definitely wear some of my cute pumps.

this leads me to the fact that i need a job and i’ll be able to know what kind (part or full time) to get in a couple of days. my initial point was that i feel dumb getting all dressed up with literally no place to go. it used to be okay if i was seeing jeff. at least someone else could appreciate my efforts (i hope). now that he’s in windsor, i feel particularly stupid doing it on a friday day or night when i’m just going to stay home. or better yet, going to class. it’s mostly just for me anyway, but it takes so much work, time and effort, it almost seems like a waste.

let me clarify that this is not a plea for people to invite me places so i have somewhere to show off. it’s just an observation that my life seems emptier without jeff. i also feel guilty going to class looking really good. as if people will think i’m doing it for the attention of others, when really it’s for myself, or jeff . . . if he was still here.

i should go to bed, not only because i’m tired, but so i can wake up earlier and make myself up. maybe i’ll take some pictures and send them, so it’s not a total waste.

p.s. i already kind of used that title and i used far too many parentheses in this entry.

i’ve started falling asleep early and being tired at ‘normal’ times. it’s 11:33 pm right now, and i want to sleep. i suppose it doesn’t help that i have nothing to keep me occupied, but this has become a regular event. i’ve fallen asleep at 11 or earlier since i started school. i’m tired all the time and i don’t know why. maybe i’m not eating enough, but i don’t think that’s it.

in semi-related news, i’ve been having rather good days in hating the way i look. i still have to work out, but i’ve been more realistic with my image. i’m surprised me and jeff didn’t do more physical activities together. that can be something we’ll work on in the future.

i think i might see play! with my classmates. someone else saw the flyer and brought it up. i mentioned the price, but they still seemed interested. we’ll see how things go.

i should sleep, or something. i just got a last minute rush of energy, so maybe i’ll do something else.

i think my first visa purchase will be a ticket to see play! i wanted to see video games live since i heard about it a year or so ago. i missed that, but play! seems better suited to my taste in video games and their music and more of what i wanted. poke fun all you want, i have no qualms over admitting that i will love seeing this, even if i go it alone. i might prefer it alone if i can’t get a video game music lover to go with me. it’s a shame there are no devil may cry soundtracks being played, but i can deal with the rest of the play list. castlevania will be played at this venue too, which i was going to be disappointed about, but now i don’t have to be.

now i just have to hope that i can actually use my visa.