Mar 27
this too shall pass
i’m no longer pissed off at everything. i am still confused and disillusioned. maybe i will have a rebound relationship. actually pick someone who i know i won’t fall in love with, but completely adores me. it’s not mean if they know what i’m doing and they don’t care. that’s a little far fetched, so maybe i’ll just stick to my wonderful fantasy. i wish i could fall as hard as i did in november.
i can’t seem to get that feeling back. the fake is so obvious in comparison to the real. to think, i couldn’t shed a tear based on my current problems because i was so preoccupied with the impossible. the amount of clarity that comes with hindsight amazes me. i still kind of believe everything i said then, but it’s not so frenzied, so chaotically focused.
i’m definitely going for the other fantasy that scared me a little bit when i thought it could be happening. love isn’t easy and it’s far from perfect. what i had was worth all of it. it’s worth what i’m going through right now.
i need money. i’ve been handing/sending out resumes like crazy, so hopefully something will materialize from that. in spite of my lack of money, i still want to go out. anyone doing anything soon?
bed now, i suppose, to wake up for lunch.
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