i’ve convinced myself that i have leukemia. that seems like such a stupid thing to say, only because it’s so specific without solid evidence. i should probably see a doctor anyway. i haven’t had a blood test in, well, forever. i can’t remember having blood drawn. i don’t want to subject myself to that. i can see blood, watch operations on tv and all the goriest movies without flinching, but when it comes to me being able to feel the blood leave my body, i get faint. i’m too in tune with my physical self for my own good. i’m getting light headed just thinking about it.

this visa thing is bothering me. not just because of the money, but i have a suspicion that someone may be trying to pull one over on me. i’m probably just reading too much into things, but boy would that suck. meh, live and learn i guess.

i don’t know what’s been going on with my stomach lately, but i’d really appreciate not getting stabbing pains that make me wish i was dead. the first time was yesterday as i was walking home from a very successful exam and shopping excursion.

the exam was for my data analysis and stats course. the teacher is great and his exams are exactly what he says they are going to be. i ended up being late because the power went out so my alarm clock didn’t go off. thankfully, i still woke up in time to get there and write the exam; i was done in about thirty minutes. it was great! i decided to partially celebrate my kicking of said exam’s ass by stopping at square one when i transferred buses to see if i could find myself a nice summer/t-shirt dress for $20 or so. this was inspired by an outfit i saw of a fellow bus rider. she had on a red and white striped halter dress with white flip-flops and a white purse. it looked summery, clean and stylish. i said i’d buy something if i could find something in a nice green or purple because i don’t have many (if any) clothes in those colours.

alas, i suppose it was not meant to be since i didn’t manage to find anything in my price range or selected colours. i contemplated dropping into eb games, but i just looked around there a couple of weeks ago, so i doubted they would have anything new that i’d want. then i remembered that i had a gift certificate for mac and i decided to buy a new lip gloss.

i had searched the mac site earlier to see if there was anything particularly close to what i was looking for. i found these. after messing around with the testers and tester holder for about fifteen minutes, i decided on fuchsia fix, which looks a lot brighter in the pot than what it actually is. it’s just the tiniest hint of pink, but it moisturizes my lips quite nicely. i bought that and i still have money left. hooray!

anyway, i was walking home and nearly there when my stomach starts to hurt. it kind of feels like cramps, and gas mixed together i.e. it’s painful. i get home and the pain keeps getting worse. then i start feeling nauseous and i don’t know if i’m going to puke or . . . something else. i was also breaking out in a sweat, not only from the heat outside but because of the pain. so i lay on the bathroom floor not knowing what to do, ready to puke or pass out. the tiles were refreshingly cool and that’s the only form of comfort i had. eventually the intensity faded and i headed into the icebox of a basement for some relief. the pain was still there, but it came and went in waves.

the rest of the night i was fine and i thought it was a one time event. then it happened again today. i really hope it doesn’t happen again tomorrow.

on a completely (almost) different note, i still need more hats. they had a fedora-like one at h&m that i wouldn’t mind. i didn’t try it on properly because my hair was in a ponytail, but it still looked good even placed atop the ponytail bump. i also have far too much money that i need to keep for seattle. but my visa was taken and someone took out $500 on it so i don’t even know if i can afford seattle now. i should’ve called it in when i saw it was missing, but i really thought it was just at home. i’ve got a month to get it all sorted before i start paying interest. at least i learned something: always call it in as soon as it’s missing. even if it had been at home and i found it later, the only price would be waiting for my new card to show up. thankfully, i haven’t given out my pin to anyone, so they should be able to find who did it. at the very least, they’ll know i’m not scamming them and won’t make me pay them $500 back. bah. this better work out somehow.

when you cry at video game fmvs. granted, it was supposed to be a moving scene and due to the particular nature of it (romantic, mushy, ‘i’ll be with you forever’) it’s not really surprising that i did, and it wasn’t so much crying as it was single tears, but i still hate it. i’ll blame pms, too. it seems to fit.

i finally get everything all set with this and what happens? an updated version of wordpress is released. this was one of the cons that i thought about when having it installed for me; i thought that if i had the experience, at least i’d kind of know what to do later. now, i don’t. oh well. i’ll fix it some time this weekend if i decide to not have fun.

i’ve been completely preoccupied with final fantasy x with a mix of devil may cry and guitar hero I and II. i already have more than twenty games due to my extremely super amazing ebay buying skills. all of my games were $10-$15 including shipping. that’s way better than anywhere else, used or not, and it was delivered right to my door. i’ll be having fun with my ps2 or i’ll be going out to drink. either/or i doubt i’ll have time for this site. lousy security update. *shakes fist*

so this is it, for now. i know the colours and butterflies are a bit girly, but it’s clean and simple and fits in with my ’slogan’ (which is completely ripped off by the by). all that’s left is to start my dream journal, but due to certain plugin restrictions i don’t know if i can still do that immediately. it’s too bad because i just had a really emotional one last night. meh, i’ll write it and see what happens.

i think my ps2 might’ve arrived. whee. i have to go to the post office to pick it up tomorrow. i’m less excited about this than i thought i would be. it’s probably just because i’ve been keeping myself busy with coding and customizing my site as of late. it almost makes me think i should(’ve) go(ne) into programming or some sort of computer sciences. the problem is i don’t really understand it, i just ‘get it’ and i’m a fast learner. i guess that would be the point of going to school for it. i also don’t know how much i’d enjoy it as a job and how lucrative it is now/unless you’re a superwhiz and a superwhiz i am not. at least, i don’t think i am. enough about school, i don’t want to think about it.

i had an amazing birthday week/end. i’ll write about it later because i have more customizing and ftp-ing that i want to do.

i’ve got wordpress up and running on my domain. check it out if you want, but it’s all just test stuff. yes, i got someone else to install it for me, not because i’m not capable, but because i’m truly lazy and customizing is enough work/decisions. plus, if you can have someone do it for you for free, why the hell not? i know i could’ve just deleted everything and made it look like i did it myself but i at least owe them advertising for a bit and i don’t want to be a dirty liar. oh yeah, that means i got hosting too. it’s free and if i want to upgrade it’s super cheap with the best package being only $7.95 USD/month. other added stuff (more bandwidth, additional storage space etc.) is only $1/month so if need be i can always do that.

as for right now, i’m going to sleep because i haven’t gotten much of it in the last little while due to partying and that’s not changing any time soon either. i’m officially twenty-one and i’ll be out on the town all night tonight. it’s going to be a blast. hmm, maybe i should go to the bank first. nah, i should be cool.