this is the messenger bag that i got which is to show my love of death note. it has many pockets and zippers and places to put things. i’m quite happy with my $12 purchase.

this is the death note purse. more for evenings and social occasions than school/work use. another great $10 purchase.

what’s this? a real death note?

it looks like the real book . . .

nope, it’s just a box . . . for a mini death note?

ah, it’ a super nifty lighter. neat, huh? well i like it, so sucks to your lack of enthusiasm.

my ds lite with game and charger and stylus etc. i have a crystal clear hard case, game and g6 real flash/mod card (shh, it’s just for homebrew *shifty eyes*) for it on the way. should i have waited for the 2GB model to not cost over $100? nah, 1GB should be good enough.

here’s the case for my games, both gba and nds, and the box for my game. not the best game, but there are worse.

here’s the whole ps2 bundle.

the first stack of games.

the second stack of games.

the funky, yet sensitive guitar.

the system itself with two controllers and a multi-port.

and that’s it for now because i don’t want to take any more pictures because i’m too busy laughing at people’s terrible singing.

as you may or may not know from my msn name, i’ve been feeling rather apathetic lately about, oh well, let’s say everything. because of this wonderful bout of laziness and all around lack of caring for anything, i’ve been led into a rather steep spiral of screwing myself academically. ‘will i ever learn?’ the girl asks herself, hoping that she will and somehow pull herself out of this dreary mess and move on to something else without being in more debt for no good reason. ignore that little foray into third person-like narrative.

i suppose you could say that i lost the internship. i still hope to go for it at another time in the near future, but due to school scheduling (or lack there of) i can’t go. the fact that it’s in the middle of ass nowhere doesn’t help either. i guess in some twisted (read:stupid) way, i blamed school for holding me back and not allowing me to pursue something that looked ever hopeful in this barren wasteland that is my life. so, being the smart person that i am, my way around it was to not go to school or the internship and make doubly sure that i erased any possible chance of not wasting large sums of money.

i regret going to this school. i should’ve stuck to my guns and said it was too much money. the only thing for me now is to try my best not to fail out and move on; concede to my mistake, take it where it hurts most and hope that some good can come out of it. even if it is just an internship.

this was originally going to say that my lack of posts was to be corrected by a photo entry of all my current (ha! i typed cutter. *sigh* get over it you silly girl) purchases, but i guess i got carried away with my tangential absentee reasoning. the next one will be fun.

more pictures + less words = fun and happiness for all.

it is now 6:30am and i’m still awake. i’m really tired, but i’ve been keeping myself awake for some unknown reason. it probably has to do with sadness and missing people. ew. i don’t want to, i just can’t help it. i almost feel like i’ve come full circle and i’m right back where i started before anything happened.

sleep or all-nighter? i’m going to choose sleep because 1. i hope to have dreams that will help me cope and 2. i have to work tonight.

at least i had fun going out drinking my free bacardi 151. nothing quite like having your bill being paid for you. good times.

i don’t want to go to school unless i’m singing at it!

i need to sing, but i don’t have time before i have to go to class. i don’t think 9am is too early, but other people might. i’m also slightly scared that if i wake up and sing, i won’t go to school. i will go to school. i’ve already screwed myself enough. ugh.

provided by the one and only maddox.  this is exactly how i felt about it from the beginning. it’s just an overpriced toy for adults. it’s also how i’ve felt about the ipod which is why i don’t have one. simply ridiculous.

everything’s starting to go my way (sort of) but i’m not even close to being happy. i think i keep buying things on ebay as a way to fill an emotional hole. it’s cliche, i know, but that’s what i’m doing. i’m trying to buy my happiness.

lately, the only thing i’ve been doing that’s made me really happy was singing. when i’m not singing, i’m eagerly counting down the minutes until i can sing again or my next ebay auction closes. at least i accomplished something vocally this weekend.

i finally discovered my chest (belt) voice. well, i always had it but now i know i have it. yes, i can hit the f above high c using it. am i damaging my vocal cords? it’s a possibility, especially because i tend not to warm up (it’s terrible, i know), but my vocal cords feel fine. i actually had an easier time the second day than the first, so i guess there was immediate improvement.

now that i have a job, i should look into vocal lessons. it bothers me that i have no vibrato. i’ve read that if singing correctly and with enough air etc. it should come naturally. that’s never happened to me. maybe i just can’t hear it. nobody’s ever said/asked me about it during lessons, practice or what have you. it actually really bothers me. i’m probably not using enough air. that can’t be it.

i’m not happy. what do i need to do? what can i do?