i have a confession: i actually kind of want to see/am excited about the sex and the city movie. ugh. after countless years of hating everything it stands for and the unreal implications of carrie’s lifestyle and just how carefree their lives are, i broke down and downloaded season four. this was a long time ago and i didn’t tell a soul about it, but i’m sure you might have caught a few quotes mentioned either here or in my msn name. while the shoes and the sex are great, i think i love the shallowest aspect of it: the friendship. i know that’s supposed to be the story behind the glitz but it really doesn’t portray real relationships (sexual or otherwise) at all. i think i enjoy the fantasy of perfect friends that are so close through thick and thin but without any cattiness between them. that doesn’t happen in real life. at least, i’ve never personally found it. maybe with one person but not three others at the same time. why do girls have to be so . . . petty?

i’ve been meaning to apply to jobs but i really want to redo my resume first. this has caused much procrastination. the main reason is because i don’t like to think about what i have to offer because on paper, i’ve got zilch. i think i often fall flat in interviews too because too often i don’t really want the job so i hold back, or i just make some brainless mistake like not bringing my resume. honestly though, if i send you my resume in an email two times already, do i really need to bring another one? and don’t get me started on franchises and their stupid fill in the blank forms. it’s all the exact same information that’s included on my resume, but much less legible because you made me write it out in pen. anyway, my point was that there are lots of things that i think i could be really good at, but my paper qualities won’t even get me a foot in the door. i’m not even twenty-two and it’s like it’s too late for me to start anything. maybe i’ll just try for anything.

another thing holding me back is not having a car and living in mississauga. it takes at least half an hour to get anywhere. it’s such a pain and dangerous in this cold weather. it’s also super annoying because you’re supposed to dress appropriately but when you have to take the bus you can’t wear nice shoes or a nice coat because they don’t keep you warm.

okay, i think i’ve ranted enough to be fine for a while. is anything happening tonight? i want to do something new but non-expensive. ring me.

how have i managed to survive? on a diet of video games and anime. i’m coming to a shortage of both. over the weeks i would randomly turn on my laptop to see if i could steal some wireless from anywhere. low and behold, it worked today. how’s life? complicated. i don’t think i’m up for discussing the brunt of it just yet, but i will say that it’s not good and it is a lifelong, life changing event.

being away from the internet and then coming back has made me want to get away from the former me even more. maybe i’ll try for nyu if the australia thing doesn’t work out. i just need a fresh start and new people that i really, genuinely like. oh, and money. lots of that would be nice too. i can’t say i’ve been trying real hard though. it’s been difficult the past few weeks with all the snow and cold and no internet. i’m not exactly motivated to go out when i have to take the bus to places that probably won’t hire me. ugh. job hunting is so depressing. i think i hate the travelling the most. just give me the job and let me work. i don’t want to be part of a team, i just want to do what i’m paid for and then leave. too anti-social? i guess that’s because i’m imagining a job that i’ll have just for the money.

stupid wordpress has another update. surprise surprise. i don’t have the patience right now. now i’m caught up in a guide on how to teach yourself japanese (my minor when i go back to school).