obliviously obvious

how have i managed to survive? on a diet of video games and anime. i’m coming to a shortage of both. over the weeks i would randomly turn on my laptop to see if i could steal some wireless from anywhere. low and behold, it worked today. how’s life? complicated. i don’t think i’m up for discussing the brunt of it just yet, but i will say that it’s not good and it is a lifelong, life changing event.

being away from the internet and then coming back has made me want to get away from the former me even more. maybe i’ll try for nyu if the australia thing doesn’t work out. i just need a fresh start and new people that i really, genuinely like. oh, and money. lots of that would be nice too. i can’t say i’ve been trying real hard though. it’s been difficult the past few weeks with all the snow and cold and no internet. i’m not exactly motivated to go out when i have to take the bus to places that probably won’t hire me. ugh. job hunting is so depressing. i think i hate the travelling the most. just give me the job and let me work. i don’t want to be part of a team, i just want to do what i’m paid for and then leave. too anti-social? i guess that’s because i’m imagining a job that i’ll have just for the money.

stupid wordpress has another update. surprise surprise. i don’t have the patience right now. now i’m caught up in a guide on how to teach yourself japanese (my minor when i go back to school).

i’ve been in cambridge for a whole week and then some. i miss the money that i didn’t get to earn,  but it was worth it. i have one more week there anyway (as far as i know at the moment) so that’s more than enough to pay my bills and still have cash left over for christmas. one thing’s for sure though: i cannot do that job on a permanent basis. starting in the new year, i’ll take up the consulting job. from now to then i’ll try to get a bartending job for money and because i honestly really miss it. i’ll also look for other full time jobs that fit me better and give me places to grow, but the consulting position seems to be genuinely interesting. i’ll just have to take it and see. plus, the hours are awesome (12-8) and it’s so close so even if i have to take the bus i won’t have to leave 2 hours before i get there to make it on time. downside is i don’t get benefits for six months. so many things could happen in that time. if you were to tell me what was going to happen now six months ago, there’s no way in hell i’d believe you.

right now i’m hoping for a job at red lobster. why? i really don’t know, it just appeals to me for some reason. plus it’s close-ish so i don’t have to bust my ass getting there and it’s not the club scene so i won’t be there until 4am waiting to get paid. my tentative plan is to save up/pay off debt and then go to rome for a week’s vacation and then to australia for a six month to a year work term. that would be so amazing. that’s definitely a goal now. i might have to move out in that time which would suck, but i’m gagging for the freedom. i’m really in the zone of making stupid mistakes while knowing the consequences and not needing parents telling me how stupid is and punishing me for it.

anyway, i’m supposed to be cleaning to help a friend but i guess i have all night to do that too. it’s going to be an okay christmas.

every night i become increasingly short tempered. it’s my fault but i won’t stop what causes it. i wish i had the courage to move on. i wish i had the stability to move on. i continue to be a terrible person with each thought that crosses my mind. maybe i just need to unload it all; speak every last secret, confess all the lies. lose everything and start again. it’s far past time to move and leave the baggage behind.

last night i had a wonderful incubus dream. well, except the part when some guy threatened to kill me. the rest of it was excellent. i love performance dreams. rennie sent my mom an email and i finally got to meet him. we were joking like old friends. b wore a pair of hot boots. he also had a slight australian accent due to their recent tour there; he picked it up because he’s like that. if i have another dream like that tonight i’ll be very happy. to incubus!

steve irwin, the crocodile hunter, has died from a freak accident while doing what we all love to watch him do. the inevitable finally happened.