Archive for the ‘crazy’ Category

*warning* this is written with no sleep and many pain-killers. be prepared for typos, missing/wrong words and nonsense. more than usual. believe it. *warning*

i would frequently see the video for ’shake it’ and swear i knew the ‘emo/scene’ looking kid from it. i guess that’s what i get for having acquaintances who are fashionable and for being molested with dyed black straightened hair, facial piercings and super skinny jean images. anyway, i looked them (metro station) up and they’re from hollywood, so i don’t know him. maybe he looks familiar from some sort of weird early morning family channel viewing, since he turns out to be miley cyrus’ half-brother. anyway, as i’ve said in the past, i’m sort of a sucker for the whole scene look no matter how conformist or homosexual it may be. i like girly guys. androgyny is sex. needless to say, i love trace cyrus.  the tattoos really help too.

the music is actually pretty good. it reminds me of the half of p!atd that i adore. not to mention the lyrics are super romantic but with just the right amount of naughtiness, innuendo and ambiguity to make it non-schmaltzy and possibly about drugs and not a girl. but because i am a stupid (single) girl, i like to imagine the words are for me. that sounds much more idiotic than it is, but i suppose it really is that idiotic. i mean, i don’t really think it’s written for me, but the whole fantasy idea of possibly having someone i.e trace write it for me is fun.

in serious news, i finally got a full-time job. not as much money as i wanted, but we’ll see how it goes for now. hehehe, i love trace. sorry, i’m listening to the album and his voice is nice and breathy so im all giddy. oh god, i’m such an idiot.

at times like this i always wonder what am i going to do with my life and i realize that i really, really love just doing nothing. i can’t do domething i love as a job because then it will be my job and i won’t love it because i have to do it. there’s something wrong with my programming where if i must do something i automatically hate it and never want to do it. even if it’s something i really love. even things that are really stupid. i’m the ultimate stubborn rebel, to ridiculous heights (lengths?).

i don’t know if i can do the whole school thing again. mandatory assignments, attendance etc. will totally screw me just like in the past. maybe if it’s part time. but i don’t like doing something all the time. like i said, i really like doing nothing. i would much rather be bored and have to do nothing than have things to do and be busy. let’s face it, if you have things to do, 85% of the time it’s things you don’t want to do and not actually entertaining things.

i think maybe part of my problem is that i’m a super multi-tasker to the point where i can’t function unless i’m doing two or three things at the same time. but i also have to be liking at least two of the things i’m doing. i wish i could put on a hat that rewired my brain for school and work and then took it off to enjoy my nothingness.

i should be getting the internet fo’ realz pretty soon. maybe i’ll start doing this on a regular basis again.

p.s. i <3 trace.

i’m just going to leave this window open and write things/observations i think throughout the day.

i miss the days when daft punk was alive and well in clubs.

why are chicks always the bass player?

i hope i get to see juno this friday. hmm, but i’m supposed to have a patio bison burger lunch . . . i guess i’ll just have to trek it back.

i’m sick of not being the weight i want to be, but i’m too lazy to exercise and i like delicious food/alcohol too much.

my hair is ridiculously easy to curl.

i want my ddr mats to arrive so i can do something remotely active and break in a ‘new’ game at the same time.

paralyzers are scarily easy to drink.

i want professional head shots.

i finally updated wordpress, but the main problem i was having still isn’t solved. oh well, it’s not important anyway.

interstella 5555: the 5tory of the 5ecret 5tar 5ytem is awesome.

i need disposable income for games (xbox 360) and cute accessories and shoes.

how does dane cook keep getting movie roles?

i’m bored and hurty.

i think i’m done because my back hurts too much and i want to nap.

i shall listen to daft punk while i sleep.

i have a confession: i actually kind of want to see/am excited about the sex and the city movie. ugh. after countless years of hating everything it stands for and the unreal implications of carrie’s lifestyle and just how carefree their lives are, i broke down and downloaded season four. this was a long time ago and i didn’t tell a soul about it, but i’m sure you might have caught a few quotes mentioned either here or in my msn name. while the shoes and the sex are great, i think i love the shallowest aspect of it: the friendship. i know that’s supposed to be the story behind the glitz but it really doesn’t portray real relationships (sexual or otherwise) at all. i think i enjoy the fantasy of perfect friends that are so close through thick and thin but without any cattiness between them. that doesn’t happen in real life. at least, i’ve never personally found it. maybe with one person but not three others at the same time. why do girls have to be so . . . petty?

i’ve been meaning to apply to jobs but i really want to redo my resume first. this has caused much procrastination. the main reason is because i don’t like to think about what i have to offer because on paper, i’ve got zilch. i think i often fall flat in interviews too because too often i don’t really want the job so i hold back, or i just make some brainless mistake like not bringing my resume. honestly though, if i send you my resume in an email two times already, do i really need to bring another one? and don’t get me started on franchises and their stupid fill in the blank forms. it’s all the exact same information that’s included on my resume, but much less legible because you made me write it out in pen. anyway, my point was that there are lots of things that i think i could be really good at, but my paper qualities won’t even get me a foot in the door. i’m not even twenty-two and it’s like it’s too late for me to start anything. maybe i’ll just try for anything.

another thing holding me back is not having a car and living in mississauga. it takes at least half an hour to get anywhere. it’s such a pain and dangerous in this cold weather. it’s also super annoying because you’re supposed to dress appropriately but when you have to take the bus you can’t wear nice shoes or a nice coat because they don’t keep you warm.

okay, i think i’ve ranted enough to be fine for a while. is anything happening tonight? i want to do something new but non-expensive. ring me.

i got back from the vermont trip on sunday, had one day of rest away from the same people in which i slept and played guitar hero, then met up with all of them again for new year’s eve. much drunkenness and joy was had. we even went skating. it was quite fun. then i made out with minh and lots of pictures were taken. crazy drunk people.

i’m really glad that i decided to go on that trip last minute. it turned out to be one of the best things all year. i need to be with those people more often. it’s always a good time.

now it’s a new year and i need to get a job. boo. i’m in holiday/vacation mode. let’s be honest, i’m always in that mode. however, i’m certain that after i pay for the trip i will be broke again. i did get some awesome snowpants and boots out of it, so i guess it’s worth it. and of course the memories.

now i’m off to play guitar hero again because i’m super cool like that. it’s how i roll.

oh yeah, happy new year and holidays and all that!

i’ve been in cambridge for a whole week and then some. i miss the money that i didn’t get to earn,  but it was worth it. i have one more week there anyway (as far as i know at the moment) so that’s more than enough to pay my bills and still have cash left over for christmas. one thing’s for sure though: i cannot do that job on a permanent basis. starting in the new year, i’ll take up the consulting job. from now to then i’ll try to get a bartending job for money and because i honestly really miss it. i’ll also look for other full time jobs that fit me better and give me places to grow, but the consulting position seems to be genuinely interesting. i’ll just have to take it and see. plus, the hours are awesome (12-8) and it’s so close so even if i have to take the bus i won’t have to leave 2 hours before i get there to make it on time. downside is i don’t get benefits for six months. so many things could happen in that time. if you were to tell me what was going to happen now six months ago, there’s no way in hell i’d believe you.

right now i’m hoping for a job at red lobster. why? i really don’t know, it just appeals to me for some reason. plus it’s close-ish so i don’t have to bust my ass getting there and it’s not the club scene so i won’t be there until 4am waiting to get paid. my tentative plan is to save up/pay off debt and then go to rome for a week’s vacation and then to australia for a six month to a year work term. that would be so amazing. that’s definitely a goal now. i might have to move out in that time which would suck, but i’m gagging for the freedom. i’m really in the zone of making stupid mistakes while knowing the consequences and not needing parents telling me how stupid is and punishing me for it.

anyway, i’m supposed to be cleaning to help a friend but i guess i have all night to do that too. it’s going to be an okay christmas.

every night i become increasingly short tempered. it’s my fault but i won’t stop what causes it. i wish i had the courage to move on. i wish i had the stability to move on. i continue to be a terrible person with each thought that crosses my mind. maybe i just need to unload it all; speak every last secret, confess all the lies. lose everything and start again. it’s far past time to move and leave the baggage behind.

last night i had a wonderful incubus dream. well, except the part when some guy threatened to kill me. the rest of it was excellent. i love performance dreams. rennie sent my mom an email and i finally got to meet him. we were joking like old friends. b wore a pair of hot boots. he also had a slight australian accent due to their recent tour there; he picked it up because he’s like that. if i have another dream like that tonight i’ll be very happy. to incubus!