that statement may come off wrong. i’ve never disliked my skin colour or my cultural background simply because it makes me so unique. i’ve never had anyone say bad things about it, only good. however, for certain reasons i wish i looked a tiny bit more ‘white’, for lack of a better term.

there are certain looks that are hard to pull off when not white. a few examples: goth, pin-up, victorian etc. it just doesn’t fit as well with darker skin. i could probably look the part easier with blonde hair, but that kind of goes against the part too.

why do i care so much? i don’t really. i guess i just find it frustrating that my looks have limits. it’s also hard to get really brightly coloured eye make-up to stand out. i never want to put too much on because i feel like it’s exactly that: too much. later when i look at pictures or see other women, i clearly have less make-up on. i already feel like every one’s looking at me without tons of make-up, so even though it makes me happy because it completes my creative idea, i don’t do it.

i guess this all has to do with my new ‘project’. i’m really just doing it for creative purposes because i’ve stalled musically for so long and i have yet to explore the visual side. i’m kind of hoping that i can gain a new perspective and be kicked into composing again. i’m buying a camcorder and i’m going to be taping myself. yes, i’m going to be a youtube/myspace/camwhore. well, maybe not. i haven’t really decided if i’ll post online or not. i’ve already bought a 500 gb external hard drive for the editing and such. i was due for more space. in any case, i figure it’s something i should do for the experience alone. it involves my creative, technical and business sides all in one package. who knows what’ll come from this?

hoping to sell my soul for fame . . . i completely belong in l.a.

i’ve had a job for two days and i’m already spending money like mad. having all my birthday money compiled in my bank account doesn’t help either. i’m fairly certain i won’t have to pay the $500 that someone took out on my visa, but if i do i can manage. i won’t be happy but i won’t have to worry about where the money’s going to come from.

there’s lots of stuff i intend to write about, but i don’t know if i’ll ever get around to it. i still haven’t written about death note, but i just bought an awesome lighter that’s based on it. i also intend on buying at least two death note bags as well.

i don’t know if i can actually take the internship because i just discovered that i have classes from 12-3 monday-friday which pretty much rules out either going to the office or the class. i’ll have to call them and ask what kind of hours it is and if i can’t do it, hopefully i can go back in september when i’ll be (mostly) done with school. i really, really want to do this now though. i’m quite fed up with school to be completely honest. maybe if the administration wasn’t so lax i could be more disciplined. i’ll just have to stick it out for the next two months and see how it goes.

i plan on buying a nintendo ds lite, so if i end up staying with the internship at least i’ll have entertainment for the two-four hours of traveling i have every day. i also want/need to buy a new guitar controller because the one i currently have is too sensitive for my taste.

i told you i was spending like mad!

i finally get everything all set with this and what happens? an updated version of wordpress is released. this was one of the cons that i thought about when having it installed for me; i thought that if i had the experience, at least i’d kind of know what to do later. now, i don’t. oh well. i’ll fix it some time this weekend if i decide to not have fun.

i’ve been completely preoccupied with final fantasy x with a mix of devil may cry and guitar hero I and II. i already have more than twenty games due to my extremely super amazing ebay buying skills. all of my games were $10-$15 including shipping. that’s way better than anywhere else, used or not, and it was delivered right to my door. i’ll be having fun with my ps2 or i’ll be going out to drink. either/or i doubt i’ll have time for this site. lousy security update. *shakes fist*

i searched for incubus’ light grenades and i found it. it’s been leaked. i’m still going to buy it because i’ve bought all their albums (or they’ve been bought for me).

wow. it is so good. it’s everything i expected and more. they’ve brought back some of their hard ‘nu-metal’ (i hate that word) style, but kept the incubus melodiousness. they said before that this is a really emotionally open album for brandon too, and boy is it. you can practically see the deterioration of his last relationship in every verse. there’s still hope though. if i was trying to be a real journalist, this is where i’d quote some lyrics to show you what i mean. i’m not trying that and i’m too lazy at the moment. on that sidenote, i’m probably not going to write the my chemical romance ‘review’ any time soon. i’m too caught up in incubus at the moment.

damn. i always thought i preferred digital recordings to analog, but not with incubus. i just realized that. there’s so much more from them with that added ‘warmth’ or live element.

off i go to sleep (yeah right).

if you like u2 or green day, or if you’re a big fan of both, they’re doing a duet of a skids song. and damn me for not posting this yesterday before the u2 site had it up. but, i can tell you that it’ll be released for their big 30 year anniversary special in a few weeks.