*warning* this is written with no sleep and many pain-killers. be prepared for typos, missing/wrong words and nonsense. more than usual. believe it. *warning*

i would frequently see the video for ’shake it’ and swear i knew the ‘emo/scene’ looking kid from it. i guess that’s what i get for having acquaintances who are fashionable and for being molested with dyed black straightened hair, facial piercings and super skinny jean images. anyway, i looked them (metro station) up and they’re from hollywood, so i don’t know him. maybe he looks familiar from some sort of weird early morning family channel viewing, since he turns out to be miley cyrus’ half-brother. anyway, as i’ve said in the past, i’m sort of a sucker for the whole scene look no matter how conformist or homosexual it may be. i like girly guys. androgyny is sex. needless to say, i love trace cyrus.  the tattoos really help too.

the music is actually pretty good. it reminds me of the half of p!atd that i adore. not to mention the lyrics are super romantic but with just the right amount of naughtiness, innuendo and ambiguity to make it non-schmaltzy and possibly about drugs and not a girl. but because i am a stupid (single) girl, i like to imagine the words are for me. that sounds much more idiotic than it is, but i suppose it really is that idiotic. i mean, i don’t really think it’s written for me, but the whole fantasy idea of possibly having someone i.e trace write it for me is fun.

in serious news, i finally got a full-time job. not as much money as i wanted, but we’ll see how it goes for now. hehehe, i love trace. sorry, i’m listening to the album and his voice is nice and breathy so im all giddy. oh god, i’m such an idiot.

at times like this i always wonder what am i going to do with my life and i realize that i really, really love just doing nothing. i can’t do domething i love as a job because then it will be my job and i won’t love it because i have to do it. there’s something wrong with my programming where if i must do something i automatically hate it and never want to do it. even if it’s something i really love. even things that are really stupid. i’m the ultimate stubborn rebel, to ridiculous heights (lengths?).

i don’t know if i can do the whole school thing again. mandatory assignments, attendance etc. will totally screw me just like in the past. maybe if it’s part time. but i don’t like doing something all the time. like i said, i really like doing nothing. i would much rather be bored and have to do nothing than have things to do and be busy. let’s face it, if you have things to do, 85% of the time it’s things you don’t want to do and not actually entertaining things.

i think maybe part of my problem is that i’m a super multi-tasker to the point where i can’t function unless i’m doing two or three things at the same time. but i also have to be liking at least two of the things i’m doing. i wish i could put on a hat that rewired my brain for school and work and then took it off to enjoy my nothingness.

i should be getting the internet fo’ realz pretty soon. maybe i’ll start doing this on a regular basis again.

p.s. i <3 trace.

i still haven’t read the iov boards. i want to, but my ocd of checking everything i’ve missed is going to kill me. i realize that the longer i leave it, the worse it gets, i just can’t get around to facing the hundreds upon hundreds of threads and posts i have to catch up on.

i’m still having dreams involving meeting incubus, or seeing them again, making them late for concerts because i’m trading cell numbers with them. unfortunately, along with the amazing incubus dreams comes some really messed up war/ex-boyfriend dreams. i’d write about them, but it really is for the best if i don’t. far, far too personal and destructive to be public.

i want a champagne slushee. those were good.

why is it so hard to find a decent guy anywhere? everyone says my standards are too high but that’s bullshit. then when i do date someone, they’re not good enough for me. which is it people? i guess i do have high standards concerning looks. they have to be at least 6′ or look that tall. i’m not going to continue to list what i’m looking for in a guy because i can basically sum it up in two words: brandon boyd. i stray a little within attributes, but that type is pretty much it. i’m such a sucker for longer hair, but only if it’s done right. although, it does surprise me how many guys can pull off the right look.

i’m just babbling because i’m lonely and my dreams have an amazing power to set back any progress i’ve made. i really need to move to l.a. the second i’m done paying my debts, i’m gone. that’s all there is to it.

i was ‘let go’ from yuk yuk’s for bullshit reasons, but there’s not much i can do about that. i realized that i’d been having so many dreams about jeff and his parents etc. because my boss’ boss (the who fired me) reminded me so much of his mom. there was like this fake niceness and awkwardness and i always felt on edge around her, like she was just waiting for me to trip up and anything i did wasn’t good enough. anyway, enough about that. (jeff’s mom wasn’t nearly as bad as my boss, but i guess it was just her mannerisms mixed with the ‘i’m doing everything wrong’ feeling that made me see it)

before i got fired, i bought one last semi-expensive purchase: a usb vocal microphone. is this a lead-in to a new path that i’ve chosen? not as such, no. at least not yet. i still need to pay off my current school debt and decide if i can really attempt school again. i just don’t think me and academia get along. i much prefer learning through life. granted, i don’t learn from school mistakes (i.e. not doing work) but that’s all part of the academia thing.

i’m really tempted to go to australia with one of those working plans and just stay there for six months or a year. see what happens and then maybe head to europe. when alex is done her schooling, we’ll head to l.a. and see if we can make it there. hopefully, i’ll have stayed connected/improved my connection with the incubus boys (insert ridiculously crazy giggle here) and that could possibly lead to something. you never know in this crazy thing called life.

back to the mic. i really just wanted it so i could work on my music more diligently.  i’ve heard recordings from webcam mics or regular non-music mics and the quality is brutal. i haven’t even tried mine out yet, but for my current purposes, it should be beyond adequate.

wednesday was a splendid evening and yet again, i had many a drink bought for me. i called a certain someone and it worked out great. i hope he calls me, but i’ll call him if it doesn’t happen soon. if it wasn’t for school, things would almost be going swimmingly.

i hate being congested. i knew i was getting sick, but i went out and partied anyway. it was completely worth it. well, except no one bought me a drink. someone proposed marriage, but didn’t buy me a drink. honestly, where the hell has chivalry gone? at least buy a girl a drink first before you ask if she’ll be your wife. being obnoxious is not attractive or cute in any way. it’s embarrassing. anyway, i still had a good time. i’ll have to be hosting my own function in less than a years time. i think i can beat that one.

hah, i love liz. i’m incredibly mean and honest (are they one and the same?) when i drink. no, i take it back. i’m that way all the time. at least it’s entertaining, for the most part. i don’t cross the mean line, so people are cool with it. i’m just rambling now because it was a good night and i want to write more, but it’s one of those ‘you had to be there’ nights.

i think i’m going to watch the episode of heroes i missed and wait for my pizza to get here.