obliviously obvious

i still haven’t read the iov boards. i want to, but my ocd of checking everything i’ve missed is going to kill me. i realize that the longer i leave it, the worse it gets, i just can’t get around to facing the hundreds upon hundreds of threads and posts i have to catch up on.

i’m still having dreams involving meeting incubus, or seeing them again, making them late for concerts because i’m trading cell numbers with them. unfortunately, along with the amazing incubus dreams comes some really messed up war/ex-boyfriend dreams. i’d write about them, but it really is for the best if i don’t. far, far too personal and destructive to be public.

i want a champagne slushee. those were good.

why is it so hard to find a decent guy anywhere? everyone says my standards are too high but that’s bullshit. then when i do date someone, they’re not good enough for me. which is it people? i guess i do have high standards concerning looks. they have to be at least 6′ or look that tall. i’m not going to continue to list what i’m looking for in a guy because i can basically sum it up in two words: brandon boyd. i stray a little within attributes, but that type is pretty much it. i’m such a sucker for longer hair, but only if it’s done right. although, it does surprise me how many guys can pull off the right look.

i’m just babbling because i’m lonely and my dreams have an amazing power to set back any progress i’ve made. i really need to move to l.a. the second i’m done paying my debts, i’m gone. that’s all there is to it.

i’m so far behind in reading the iov boards; i’m dreading it. i keep putting it off because i know i’ll have shitloads to read, including a write-up of an afterparty that i’m looking forward to. i also haven’t had my meds in 3? days, so everything is dizzy and i’m fucking nuts. my dreams are so far beyond crazy right now. to add to it, they’re even more realistic. like i really needed that.

i’m so hungry. i half-dreamed about eating cream of chicken soup with crackers. of course, we don’t have any crackers and they’re the part that seals the deal. so i ordered mr sub. i should probably go wait for that upstairs. oh yeah, so much delicious food.

god i’m dizzy.

holy typo nightmare, batman!

same deal as the first one. Read more

this is super long, so i’m providing it after a cut. i wrote it for a message board and i’m copying it from there because it took me three hours to write. i haven’t edited it for content or cohesion, so keep that in mind. i was also extremely lax with the grammar, especially by the end. here’s my picture. my explanation of why i look stupid is in there somewhere. here’s the other picture that’s so much better. thanks mel! Read more

i was ‘let go’ from yuk yuk’s for bullshit reasons, but there’s not much i can do about that. i realized that i’d been having so many dreams about jeff and his parents etc. because my boss’ boss (the who fired me) reminded me so much of his mom. there was like this fake niceness and awkwardness and i always felt on edge around her, like she was just waiting for me to trip up and anything i did wasn’t good enough. anyway, enough about that. (jeff’s mom wasn’t nearly as bad as my boss, but i guess it was just her mannerisms mixed with the ‘i’m doing everything wrong’ feeling that made me see it)

before i got fired, i bought one last semi-expensive purchase: a usb vocal microphone. is this a lead-in to a new path that i’ve chosen? not as such, no. at least not yet. i still need to pay off my current school debt and decide if i can really attempt school again. i just don’t think me and academia get along. i much prefer learning through life. granted, i don’t learn from school mistakes (i.e. not doing work) but that’s all part of the academia thing.

i’m really tempted to go to australia with one of those working plans and just stay there for six months or a year. see what happens and then maybe head to europe. when alex is done her schooling, we’ll head to l.a. and see if we can make it there. hopefully, i’ll have stayed connected/improved my connection with the incubus boys (insert ridiculously crazy giggle here) and that could possibly lead to something. you never know in this crazy thing called life.

back to the mic. i really just wanted it so i could work on my music more diligently.  i’ve heard recordings from webcam mics or regular non-music mics and the quality is brutal. i haven’t even tried mine out yet, but for my current purposes, it should be beyond adequate.

wednesday was a splendid evening and yet again, i had many a drink bought for me. i called a certain someone and it worked out great. i hope he calls me, but i’ll call him if it doesn’t happen soon. if it wasn’t for school, things would almost be going swimmingly.

if i think/see/hear/read anything about incubus, i start feeling a little bit depressed. i suppose it’s mostly because i don’t know when i’ll be able to see them again. i need a car. i also get anxious at the fact that it might not be so easy for me to get backstage again. they do meet tens to hundreds of people a day. then again, i think i’ve kept enough contact to keep myself present and distinct but not creepy or annoying, i hope. i assume that if i was bothering them, they’d just unfriend me and stop reading my messages and stop replying. what an insane night. it’s still so real that it’s almost a let-down. they’re exactly how they portray themselves. that’s an amazing trait after all these years. bah. too much.

this a completely random and pointless post.  oh well, i can say what i want.