how have i managed to survive? on a diet of video games and anime. i’m coming to a shortage of both. over the weeks i would randomly turn on my laptop to see if i could steal some wireless from anywhere. low and behold, it worked today. how’s life? complicated. i don’t think i’m up for discussing the brunt of it just yet, but i will say that it’s not good and it is a lifelong, life changing event.

being away from the internet and then coming back has made me want to get away from the former me even more. maybe i’ll try for nyu if the australia thing doesn’t work out. i just need a fresh start and new people that i really, genuinely like. oh, and money. lots of that would be nice too. i can’t say i’ve been trying real hard though. it’s been difficult the past few weeks with all the snow and cold and no internet. i’m not exactly motivated to go out when i have to take the bus to places that probably won’t hire me. ugh. job hunting is so depressing. i think i hate the travelling the most. just give me the job and let me work. i don’t want to be part of a team, i just want to do what i’m paid for and then leave. too anti-social? i guess that’s because i’m imagining a job that i’ll have just for the money.

stupid wordpress has another update. surprise surprise. i don’t have the patience right now. now i’m caught up in a guide on how to teach yourself japanese (my minor when i go back to school).

new layout again. i’m too lazy and hungry to format everything to my tastes, but this will be by far the most customized of them all when i get around to it. i just have to find the right image. i have to do colours and all that nonsense as well. i hate deciding on colour schemes.

update - this will be the layout for the interim while i find an image and fix the code with the other.

another upgrade from wordpress. it’s easy enough, but i’m too tired to do it now.

can’t wait for mexico! i’m crazy.

never change my site when tired and after missing a pill. everything is too small and i can’t see colours properly.

needless to say, i changed my site. this is the bare minimum of change because i’m far too tired/undrugged to be writing any sort of code. what’s the verdict? yes, no? too sparse? too cold? i have quite a few options left that won’t irritate me to no end with code changes in order to make them tolerable, but this one’s it for now. leave one if you have an opinion. hell, leave one if you don’t.

this is probably really old and i’m sure it’s way funnier because i’ve been up all night, but this had me laughing so much my cheeks and stomach hurt. impossibly embarrassing story.

i still haven’t read the iov boards. i want to, but my ocd of checking everything i’ve missed is going to kill me. i realize that the longer i leave it, the worse it gets, i just can’t get around to facing the hundreds upon hundreds of threads and posts i have to catch up on.

i’m still having dreams involving meeting incubus, or seeing them again, making them late for concerts because i’m trading cell numbers with them. unfortunately, along with the amazing incubus dreams comes some really messed up war/ex-boyfriend dreams. i’d write about them, but it really is for the best if i don’t. far, far too personal and destructive to be public.

i want a champagne slushee. those were good.

why is it so hard to find a decent guy anywhere? everyone says my standards are too high but that’s bullshit. then when i do date someone, they’re not good enough for me. which is it people? i guess i do have high standards concerning looks. they have to be at least 6′ or look that tall. i’m not going to continue to list what i’m looking for in a guy because i can basically sum it up in two words: brandon boyd. i stray a little within attributes, but that type is pretty much it. i’m such a sucker for longer hair, but only if it’s done right. although, it does surprise me how many guys can pull off the right look.

i’m just babbling because i’m lonely and my dreams have an amazing power to set back any progress i’ve made. i really need to move to l.a. the second i’m done paying my debts, i’m gone. that’s all there is to it.