i really should be sleeping right now because i have an interview at three and i have other stuff to do too. i fell asleep at eight pm or something ridiculous so now i can’t sleep and i’m extraordinarily hungry. i really want a job just so i can take vocal lessons again. i don’t think i’ve ever even come close to my true potential. unfortunately, i don’t know if private lessons would ever get me there either. i should probably try the rcm. i think i can make the winter session if i get a job within the month. it depresses me to think how much time i’ve wasted.

i think i really will go for a degree in music with a minor in japanese, or vice versa. although i think a major in music is easier than a major in bullshit cultural studies with some japanese language courses thrown in. meh, maybe i’ll just go to college for music and then transfer to somewhere for my masters. i guess it all starts with acquiring money.

i just realized i have three places i can go tomorrow and also a phone interview.  hmm, maybe just two places. i don’t think i can make it back past home before five. i’ll just have to see. i need a car too. bah.

yeah you. the one who keeps relentlessly checking my site for new information. i know who you are. just stop already. if you’re that interested just sign up with an aggregator so you can just check that. or do what other smart people do and use google reader.

i really don’t know why i’m irritated by it. i guess i should be, erm, flattered i guess, that you’ve taken such an  interest in my ‘life’. it’s what i should expect from having a web address with my name and various links here and there. i guess it’s kind of because i don’t really know you but that’s the internet: a double-edged sword.

in non-spazzing out news i desperately need to take singing lessons again. not only because i’m letting my natural talent waste away and i’m actually losing it, but also i think it would bring a lot of happiness back into my life. especially if i start with no intentions other than to get back up to speed and to see just how damn good i can get.  it’s baffling how some people can find singing languages troubling. i suppose that’s unfair since that was one of my many strengths, along with impossibly high notes, impeccable diction, close to perfect pitch and impressive range for a pure soprano; not that i’m blowing my own horn or anything. *sigh* now, once again it’s too late to sing plus i’m in pain due to cramps. job interviews should be fun tomorrow!

i desperately need a job. why you may ask? to responsibly pay off my debts? so i can learn about finance management and pay bills? no. it’s so i can buy guitar hero III - legends of rock and the rock band special edition package. the rock band package is a sweet deal so i need to get money fast to pre-order it. come to think of it, i still need to pick up my paycheque and i have a government cheque to cash. that should cover the pre-order. should i do the responsible thing and pay things off instead? meh, i’ll do that when i have a job. there’s always christmas too. ooh, i can’t wait.

thanks to the dream i had last night i feel like dating a scenester. you know the type. i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i guess scene kids aren’t all that bad. they’re just usually dumb. some of them have a tongue-in-cheek approach to the whole thing and like it purely for aesthetics, which i guess might make them genuine scenesters. i’ll admit if i was younger and had fewer brain cells i’m sure i’d dabble in it; i have a penchant for faux glam/grunge pop-rock style. i did, after all, buy a handcuff necklace and guitar pick bracelet two weeks ago. i’m assuming that’s what i have to pick up from the post office. $8 charge on a package worth $25. that’s a kick in the non-existent balls. i wasn’t expecting that. you can be sure i’ll be asking about it.

i think i’ll finally pick up my paycheque tomorrow. i don’t know why they can’t just send it to me. oh well. i have to return their shirt too. i’ll have to febreze it because i left it wet too long before putting it in the dryer and now it smells foisty. maybe i’ll just do that load again since the whole load went that way.

i might put in resumes tomorrow. i’m definitely going grocery shopping. there are certain things i need and have been craving. i should get in contact with wind-up records. hmm, maybe not yet.

i guess with a full day planned i should sleep. it’s my damn music ocd acting up again.

random aside: i think i’m a d now. at first i thought it was just going to be temporary but they’ve stuck around for a good four months or so. i guess it’s good because i haven’t gained weight. i do need to lose fat and tone though. that’s the tough stuff. blah.

• apply for passport renewal
• get job
• buy concert tickets
• book package deal to mexico
• save money for said trip to mexico
• have best time of life
• pay off debts for many, many years

i still haven’t read the iov board. i’m killing myself. i did however have a lengthy *ahem* discussion on the incubus group on facebook. needless to say, i won. of course the other side didn’t think so, but that’s because his head was so far up his ass . . . fill in own comparison here.

i’m having so much incubus withdrawal it’s not funny. luckily there’s news that they may start working on new album material right after the european tour. unfortunately, i still think they won’t be touring for another three to four years. gee, b’ll be thirty-five. i’ll be twenty-five. ugh, how depressing.

i still look at their pictures and can’t believe that night. it’s kind of weird how i feel right now. i’m right on the line between hysterical hope and belief that it was all meant to be and shockingly depressing realism of my inconsequential existence.

i really need to start fueling my creativity again. why do i lack so much initiative? my vocabulary is so poor right now. i can’t remember anything. i couldn’t remember vocabulary for crying out loud. i can practically feel my intelligence/life draining away. i’m meant for so much more than this. i know nothing will happen if i don’t try but trying is so hard. plus, i’ve pretty much gotten what i’ve wanted until now with minimal effort. i suppose i have to start putting in more if i want more. i know all this already, the trouble is in the doing. so often i’ve put in effort and got back minimal improvements in results. bah. on that note, i desperately need to take vocal lessons again.

now it’s headphone time, because everything sounds better on headphones unless it’s live and being blasted on twenty or so incredibly loud speakers. *sigh* it’ll be a long while until i get that again. unless . . . is it time for another crazy scheme? hey, this is how the last one started and that turned out amazingly surreal. i say i give it a shot. it all starts tomorrow when i go out for job interviews. here’s to it.