i’ve started this entry so many times. i don’t even know where to begin. my life’s been a whirlwind since i last wrote. i guess i’ll just write down the facts and skip over the emotions for now, if not forever.

end of september/beginning of october my granddad went into the hospital because he was really sick and we thought it was food poisoning because it had lasted about four days. before i continue, i should point out that he was healthy and only fifty-eight years old. not my biological granddad, but no one knows where that bastard is, so he’s the only granddad i’ve known my whole life. anyway, he had to have surgery to remove a blockage in his intestine. turns out it was cancer. not just regular cancer, but stage four terminal cancer. the surgeon said he thought my granddad had until the end of the year, if that. he lasted another three weeks and (it was somehow) surprisingly died on october seventeenth.

it was/is a really difficult time for my family, my nana especially. there’s also a whole bunch of other family stuff that doesn’t make it any better, but it’s not my place to spill our family problems.

i suppose i go on to now: i’m in rome. i’ve been here since november tenth. it’s pretty great. i’m in a great place with amazing people and i’m so very lucky and happy. i guess if i’m really honest, i’ll admit that i’ve had quite a few dreams involving my granddad and his death. i’ve been lucky to have good people supporting me through that too. i’m still just slightly numb on the whole subject.

i’m in europe until december twenty-ninth. quite a bit of time left. i’m glad. i need the break. from everything. sorry, i guess i just haven’t really been thinking about it and writing about it now is opening it all up again.

in any case, i have to go prepare some dinner and then make apple crumble.

within a month i will be moving. not out for good, but either to the caribbean seas or rome. i’m going for an interview to be a bartender on royal caribbean/other cruise lines for six months. if that doesn’t work out, then i’ll be heading to rome probably for two months or less depending on accommodations. in any case, i’ll be leaving canada for a while and it shall be splendid. i’m thrilled that my parents are thrilled. i’m thrilled that i’ll be going. even if neither of those plans happens, i’m going on vacation to somewhere tropical for at least a week.
 
my future future plans are to live in thailand, at least for a little while. then i can move to australia for a bit and then finally to la. i have lofty goals.

i ordered one of those sumo bean bag chairs. that should be coming in shortly. i can’t wait. it looks so comfy. i wonder how much it would cost to bring it to rome. it can’t be that much, can it?
 
i’ve been looking at places to live/jobs in rome in case i stay there for a while. the jobs i’ve seen so far call for extremely proficient english skills and that’s about it. i’m sure if i started now, i could understand/speak enough italian to get by for the time i leave. as for places to live, there’ve been a few that seemed affordable. plus, everything is gorgeous over there. even if it’s a dump, it’s still a classy looking dump that i’d love to call my own for a few months.
 
hmm, well i guess it’s lunch time.

in case you didn’t notice, my site has been offline for about two months. this was because i did something stupid and was too lazy to figure out what to do. i also hadn’t been writing anything on a regular basis anyway, so i left it. i recently have been thinking more things that i need to write down, so i asked around for help on what to do. although the help i recieved was not what fixed it, it did push me to look and try some more things.

now i’m back with a new theme. it’s a tad on the boring side, i’ll admit, but after my little screw-up, i have no immediate intentions of fooling around with code in order to get it to do what i want. i’m sure there are plenty of plugins to make it more personal, but i’ll get to it at a later date.

my parents are in new york at the moment, so i haven’t cleaned in a while. i have to do it tomorrow because they’ll be home tomorrow night. i hate cleaning.

i guess that’s it. i have nothing to say right now because i’m tired from hours of trying different code in different files and deleting things and then re-uploading them.

oh, i got a wii. unfortunately, i haven’t been able to play it for a while because we have no spare double a batteries. my wii remote charger should be arriving within the next couple of weeks and that should remedy the problem.

i’m just going to leave this window open and write things/observations i think throughout the day.

i miss the days when daft punk was alive and well in clubs.

why are chicks always the bass player?

i hope i get to see juno this friday. hmm, but i’m supposed to have a patio bison burger lunch . . . i guess i’ll just have to trek it back.

i’m sick of not being the weight i want to be, but i’m too lazy to exercise and i like delicious food/alcohol too much.

my hair is ridiculously easy to curl.

i want my ddr mats to arrive so i can do something remotely active and break in a ‘new’ game at the same time.

paralyzers are scarily easy to drink.

i want professional head shots.

i finally updated wordpress, but the main problem i was having still isn’t solved. oh well, it’s not important anyway.

interstella 5555: the 5tory of the 5ecret 5tar 5ytem is awesome.

i need disposable income for games (xbox 360) and cute accessories and shoes.

how does dane cook keep getting movie roles?

i’m bored and hurty.

i think i’m done because my back hurts too much and i want to nap.

i shall listen to daft punk while i sleep.

so i decided to try-out for the argos cheerleading squad. i don’t expect to make it, but there’s no harm in trying. plus it’ll give me extra motivation to lose weight. i’ve let myself go in the past six months. something needs to be done and fast. it’ll be a fun two weeks trying to tone and limber myself. then i’ll get back into modelling hopefully.

at the moment, i’m going to stop procrastinating and add things to my resume so i can have a decent shot at becoming a talent scout. here goes. i hate it when i get excited about things before they even happen.

i have a confession: i actually kind of want to see/am excited about the sex and the city movie. ugh. after countless years of hating everything it stands for and the unreal implications of carrie’s lifestyle and just how carefree their lives are, i broke down and downloaded season four. this was a long time ago and i didn’t tell a soul about it, but i’m sure you might have caught a few quotes mentioned either here or in my msn name. while the shoes and the sex are great, i think i love the shallowest aspect of it: the friendship. i know that’s supposed to be the story behind the glitz but it really doesn’t portray real relationships (sexual or otherwise) at all. i think i enjoy the fantasy of perfect friends that are so close through thick and thin but without any cattiness between them. that doesn’t happen in real life. at least, i’ve never personally found it. maybe with one person but not three others at the same time. why do girls have to be so . . . petty?

i’ve been meaning to apply to jobs but i really want to redo my resume first. this has caused much procrastination. the main reason is because i don’t like to think about what i have to offer because on paper, i’ve got zilch. i think i often fall flat in interviews too because too often i don’t really want the job so i hold back, or i just make some brainless mistake like not bringing my resume. honestly though, if i send you my resume in an email two times already, do i really need to bring another one? and don’t get me started on franchises and their stupid fill in the blank forms. it’s all the exact same information that’s included on my resume, but much less legible because you made me write it out in pen. anyway, my point was that there are lots of things that i think i could be really good at, but my paper qualities won’t even get me a foot in the door. i’m not even twenty-two and it’s like it’s too late for me to start anything. maybe i’ll just try for anything.

another thing holding me back is not having a car and living in mississauga. it takes at least half an hour to get anywhere. it’s such a pain and dangerous in this cold weather. it’s also super annoying because you’re supposed to dress appropriately but when you have to take the bus you can’t wear nice shoes or a nice coat because they don’t keep you warm.

okay, i think i’ve ranted enough to be fine for a while. is anything happening tonight? i want to do something new but non-expensive. ring me.