obliviously obvious

i’m sad, dizzy and overheated. maybe it’s because i didn’t take my pill today. given the time, i won’t take it until i wake up. i feel like there’s a huge emptiness that i have to fill. it’s all my obsessive compulsive habits mixed with my loneliness. it creates this unstoppable need to know everything, or to connect with someone and just be. i need a moment of clarity/connection. i miss those times at random parties when i’d have open conversations with people i’d never met before or hadn’t talked to in a really long time and just connected in an honest, human level. i crave that right now. i hope i can get it soon, even just a glimpse of it. a glimpse of it on that day would just about do me in.

i’m so lonely. there are no record stores open. can’t wait ’til tuesday.

happy new year to my future home.

update – i either need to go to bed or eat something. i don’t know if we have anything good to eat. that’s not true, we do, i’m just lazy and tired. the problem is my ocd again. i want to watch things, but i don’t want to stop listening to my music. i have so many problems.

i think this will be the first new year’s eve i’ve spent alone since the 1999-2000 switch. and boy howdy do i deserve it. i think i’ll get drunk with my incubus dvd, like i did that one time. it was fun. am i a sad individual? you bet.

“if you never take it seriously, you never get hurt. if you never get hurt, you always have fun. and if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit your friends.” i should live by those words. i kind of do.

there’s too much good music out there. too much good indie music that no one’s heard of and don’t have available on a torrent. i want the agent sparks album, but it’s like it doesn’t exist. i’ve been trying to download feist for the past few days with no luck. and these are the famous examples. i could do with less mars volta though. i’m all for concept albums, but that doesn’t mean the whole album has to be in the same key and essentially the same song broken into thirteen tracks. i guess i prefer rock operas to concept albums, even though they’re too similar for me to be able to tell the difference.

as you may or may not have noticed, i’ve been listening to more mellow stuff. that, and incubus. always incubus. i’ve been enjoying instrumental, atmospheric, folksy, trancey stuff. it’s good to just sit and mull with happy melodies dancing in the background.

on a completely different note, my vocabulary has gone down considerably. a year ago i was using words like sagacious. i had to look it up when i read it now. i didn’t know i even knew that word. oh well. i’ll probably learn a new word that’ll push that one out of my head.

update – i might just sleep through the whole midnight thing. i’m finding it increasingly difficult to keep my eyes open. i wish i could get depressingly drunk, but i don’t think i have the energy to do it. if i had red wine i could, but i don’t.