i’m almost entirely moved in. i have a large list of things i need to do, but i’m glad for it. i had become self-destructive once again. i was/am in a rut. but i’ve seen it and i think i can get myself out. it’s been far too long since i’ve done something actually productive for myself. i think i’ve finally decided on what to go back to school for, but right now i’m just going to save up, pay debts and see how things go.

i’ve been pretty good with exercising and diet and i think it’s starting to show. at the very least, i’ve lost three pounds, so it’s a start. i just have to keep at it. my goal is to see how things are going at the end of may. i’m trying to not be discouraged by lack of results until then.

i can’t believe it’s may already. where does the time go? oh well. twenty-four soon. blech. i’m still young, so says every one older than me. yet i’m supposed to have every thing figured out in the next six years. meh. time to sleep.

- my grandad died on monday. i had to sing at the memorial. it wasn’t so much singing as it was crying my heart out.

- moving to cambridge in about a month. sort of happy, but not really. not looking forward to job searches or adjusting to public transit etc.

- i really need a job because i want to leave here asap. now that i don’t have a monthly prescription to pay for, maybe i can just be a full time temp. that seems to suit me because i can’t stand being in one place too long. like longer than three months. plus then i don’t have to worry about what happens with vacation time etc.

- still trying to lose weight. i keep saying it’s for real this time, and then something comes up. i couldn’t exactly stick to my eating and work-out regimen with the funeral and viewing times, so another week goes by. now, hopefully, for real for real.

- have to get my driver’s license but i’ll probably wait until i get to cambridge and the summer since the strike screwed just about every one.

- possibly going to work in mexico in september, but we’ll see how that pans out.

- everything else is the same and i hate it, but at the moment i have to deal with limbo.

but i feel bad asking for it because it’s been such a long time and i did initially leave it. however, that doesn’t excuse my stuff from not being found when i’ve requested it multiple times in the past.  i just want what’s mine or some sort of compensation/explanation. ‘i can’t find it’ just isn’t good enough.

in other news, i might have a real job in two to three months, or not. i have to see how things go. it’s yet another vicious cycle of being poor; i want to do more, but that costs more and i don’t have the funds, but i won’t get a job unless i do more: repeat. such is life.

the new tokio hotel album is pretty good. again, i prefer the german version to the english one. i completely understand when lil talks about her intrigue surrounding them. maybe it’s just because they’re german and they seem different due to that but they’re so . . . interesting, for lack of a better word.  it’s highly possible that i’m just out of touch with the youth of today.  i’ve always been fascinated by twins too, so i’m sure that has something to do with it.  the long and short of it is, now, i want to learn german too.

so that didn’t go very well. i’m aiming for two pounds a week and i really need to do it because i have a wedding to go to in september. it wasn’t an entire loss as i have lost some inches, just not enough to really make  a difference.  i have to work on getting my sleep schedule fixed because that messes with my plans on what and when i’m doing things. i wouldn’t mind how i looked/weighed if i could just fit into my regular pants. i refuse to buy anymore because i just like what i have too much. it’s pretty frustrating.

my last goal’s timeline was a tad unrealistic. my new goal: 115 by july 9th or fit into my pants/white shorts by then. weight’s not as important as size. off to shower.

i’m writing this here so i have to see it and be reminded a lot. my goal is to fit into my lace purple dress for my birthday. no exceptions, that’s just what i’m aiming for. if i don’t quite get there in time (it’s only three weeks. oy) it’ll be ok as long as i’m close. i guess a secondary goal will be my fat jeans being too big for me.