*warning* this is written with no sleep and many pain-killers. be prepared for typos, missing/wrong words and nonsense. more than usual. believe it. *warning*

i would frequently see the video for ’shake it’ and swear i knew the ‘emo/scene’ looking kid from it. i guess that’s what i get for having acquaintances who are fashionable and for being molested with dyed black straightened hair, facial piercings and super skinny jean images. anyway, i looked them (metro station) up and they’re from hollywood, so i don’t know him. maybe he looks familiar from some sort of weird early morning family channel viewing, since he turns out to be miley cyrus’ half-brother. anyway, as i’ve said in the past, i’m sort of a sucker for the whole scene look no matter how conformist or homosexual it may be. i like girly guys. androgyny is sex. needless to say, i love trace cyrus.  the tattoos really help too.

the music is actually pretty good. it reminds me of the half of p!atd that i adore. not to mention the lyrics are super romantic but with just the right amount of naughtiness, innuendo and ambiguity to make it non-schmaltzy and possibly about drugs and not a girl. but because i am a stupid (single) girl, i like to imagine the words are for me. that sounds much more idiotic than it is, but i suppose it really is that idiotic. i mean, i don’t really think it’s written for me, but the whole fantasy idea of possibly having someone i.e trace write it for me is fun.

in serious news, i finally got a full-time job. not as much money as i wanted, but we’ll see how it goes for now. hehehe, i love trace. sorry, i’m listening to the album and his voice is nice and breathy so im all giddy. oh god, i’m such an idiot.

at times like this i always wonder what am i going to do with my life and i realize that i really, really love just doing nothing. i can’t do domething i love as a job because then it will be my job and i won’t love it because i have to do it. there’s something wrong with my programming where if i must do something i automatically hate it and never want to do it. even if it’s something i really love. even things that are really stupid. i’m the ultimate stubborn rebel, to ridiculous heights (lengths?).

i don’t know if i can do the whole school thing again. mandatory assignments, attendance etc. will totally screw me just like in the past. maybe if it’s part time. but i don’t like doing something all the time. like i said, i really like doing nothing. i would much rather be bored and have to do nothing than have things to do and be busy. let’s face it, if you have things to do, 85% of the time it’s things you don’t want to do and not actually entertaining things.

i think maybe part of my problem is that i’m a super multi-tasker to the point where i can’t function unless i’m doing two or three things at the same time. but i also have to be liking at least two of the things i’m doing. i wish i could put on a hat that rewired my brain for school and work and then took it off to enjoy my nothingness.

i should be getting the internet fo’ realz pretty soon. maybe i’ll start doing this on a regular basis again.

p.s. i <3 trace.

i desperately need a haircut but i’m reluctant to spend any money. i need it for medication and to pay people back. maybe i’ll just go downtown tomorrow and do it. i was supposed to dye it blonde, but i really don’t have the money for that. plus i decided that i’ll do it in the summer; that makes more sense. i do want to have my hair prettified for saturday though.

random aside: i want to be in a band like paramore. i could totally be that chick. or garbage. guys who are in bands that are looking for lead singers are never looking for chicks. they want to keep it as homosexual as possible and make sure that every band practice is a sausage-fest. most of them aren’t good anyway, but it’s good practice for me.

i’ve been confused as of late. if you want details, just combine some other people’s blogs and you’ve got my problem. it’s almost funny how similar our problems seem to be; at least they’re centred around the same topic. *sigh*

tomorrow: haircut it is.

i have so many options for tonight. now that i finally have a job and am no longer poor i can go to my beloved cambridge without feeling guilty. i have that option for the weekend but after last night’s show i kind of feel like more loud music, whether it’s ‘good’ or not. i could go to paula’s birthday party but i’m not entirely convinced i want to pay $30 in her favour. she does have a surprising amount of hot friends i can make out with though. that didn’t work out too well last time, but that shouldn’t be a problem this time. at least it shouldn’t be. do i really feel like clubbing tonight? do i really want to be away from home all weekend? i can’t decide right now so i will talk about the show.

it took me three fucking hours to get downtown. luckily i just missed the devil wears prada. i was praying to superman, buddha and allah so i wouldn’t miss sksk. i walked in and felt ancient. everyone there was the average age of sixteen. after my initial shock i headed to the coat check and asked about who had played already. the doors opened at 6:30 and i got there at 8:00 so i was slightly worried. i missed the devil wears prada and we guessed the line-up would be emery, sksk and then the headliner chiodos. we were wrong. sksk was next which disappointed me because i hadn’t made my way to the front. the mix was bad and their drums and bass were too loud but it was still a good show. they put on a good act. and chad is hot. actually, there are like 3-4 hot guys in that band. next was emery. i could like them a lot more if they weren’t christian. they put on an even crazier show thanks to one guy. they were quite entertaining and i was happy that i found a nice spot at the front in the corner next to the barrier. chiodos was next but i left my awesome spot before they came on because i was waiting for my ride. i could’ve stayed ’til the end but i didn’t want to put up with traffic. i listened to them before the concert in preparation. they are so much better live. their energy is unreal and the lead vox is crazy good at amping the crowd. now all i’m going to listen to for months are sksk and chiodos. i suggest you do the same.

now i have to go get ready for either cambridge or paula’s. *sigh* i’m going to end up in cambridge again even though i need to do laundry so badly.

i’ve been going to so many interviews and i’ve sent out even more resumes. things are going well. i’m temping tomorrow and the agency seems to be really good and eager to get me hired. i also have an interview with a talent agency on monday. that would be an awesome job if it paid just a little more. i guess it’s good for entry level though and it’s good experience in any case. i had an interview today with a consulting agency. that seems like a good job too. lots of opportunity for growth and the hours are pretty awesome. at the moment i have three possible full-time awesome jobs lined up. hopefully something will work out.

in other exciting news, i’m going to the chiodos show next thursday. i’m actually going because scary kids scaring kids is playing but i like chiodos too so it all works out. it would’ve been cheap if ticketmaster didn’t like ass raping so much. fecking bastards. i also want to go to a show tomorrow of a local band that i really like. anyone want to go? going to a show after work. ah, life, you are grand.

i should work for immortal. i love every band they sign. i think they know that too; they requested to be my friend on myspace. i love myspace.

now i’m going to watch secretary. hot!

i really should be sleeping right now because i have an interview at three and i have other stuff to do too. i fell asleep at eight pm or something ridiculous so now i can’t sleep and i’m extraordinarily hungry. i really want a job just so i can take vocal lessons again. i don’t think i’ve ever even come close to my true potential. unfortunately, i don’t know if private lessons would ever get me there either. i should probably try the rcm. i think i can make the winter session if i get a job within the month. it depresses me to think how much time i’ve wasted.

i think i really will go for a degree in music with a minor in japanese, or vice versa. although i think a major in music is easier than a major in bullshit cultural studies with some japanese language courses thrown in. meh, maybe i’ll just go to college for music and then transfer to somewhere for my masters. i guess it all starts with acquiring money.

i just realized i have three places i can go tomorrow and also a phone interview.  hmm, maybe just two places. i don’t think i can make it back past home before five. i’ll just have to see. i need a car too. bah.

yeah you. the one who keeps relentlessly checking my site for new information. i know who you are. just stop already. if you’re that interested just sign up with an aggregator so you can just check that. or do what other smart people do and use google reader.

i really don’t know why i’m irritated by it. i guess i should be, erm, flattered i guess, that you’ve taken such an  interest in my ‘life’. it’s what i should expect from having a web address with my name and various links here and there. i guess it’s kind of because i don’t really know you but that’s the internet: a double-edged sword.

in non-spazzing out news i desperately need to take singing lessons again. not only because i’m letting my natural talent waste away and i’m actually losing it, but also i think it would bring a lot of happiness back into my life. especially if i start with no intentions other than to get back up to speed and to see just how damn good i can get.  it’s baffling how some people can find singing languages troubling. i suppose that’s unfair since that was one of my many strengths, along with impossibly high notes, impeccable diction, close to perfect pitch and impressive range for a pure soprano; not that i’m blowing my own horn or anything. *sigh* now, once again it’s too late to sing plus i’m in pain due to cramps. job interviews should be fun tomorrow!