i think i’m going to go back to school for journalism. i’d like to go into computer programming but that would mean having to take a grade twelve math to get in and then more maths while actually in the program. it’s not so much that i don’t think i could do it; i could, it would just mean a lot more work than i’m willing to put in. hmm, but then i wonder if maybe i should push myself. i also know me and math just don’t get along. i have never once had an epiphany moment in math where i suddenly got it. even if i did, as soon as i moved into the next step, my new found realizations were shown to be false.

the big hurdle with journalism is deadlines. i am not a timely person. hopefully, by being in a work situation that forces the exact opposite of what i am, i might change my ways . . . or get fired.  i don’t want that one flaw to stop me from doing something i think i’d be really good at.

so my plan is to apply to college programs for september and see how that pans out. there’s a lot of work involved with just applying, like getting my transcripts and sending them out to the right places and all the research i have to do to see which programs i want to apply to.  also, there’s the whole dilemma of what i apply as: mature student, transfer, or high school? depending on that, i have to send different things to different people and/or take classes/tests to see if i can get in/get credit etc.

i have about a month before the deadline = a month to get my shit together and contact places to get the facts straight. here’s to my future . . . ?

i know you’ve been pretty good to me this year, getting me into the incubus after party and all, but i’d really appreciate it if you could see your way into making that not happen. it’s not overly important, but it would make up for losing my job. it also would help me know that i don’t suck and verify my assumptions of other suckage. it would just seem rather unfair considering my talent, background and knowledge compared to what’s being offered. if you can’t make it completely inaccessible, at least put up a few challenging roadblocks that will eventually lead to failure.

thanks!

- whitney

p.s. if i decide to take the same road again later in life, can you make things go better? i’ll try this time, scout’s honour.

as you may or may not know from my msn name, i’ve been feeling rather apathetic lately about, oh well, let’s say everything. because of this wonderful bout of laziness and all around lack of caring for anything, i’ve been led into a rather steep spiral of screwing myself academically. ‘will i ever learn?’ the girl asks herself, hoping that she will and somehow pull herself out of this dreary mess and move on to something else without being in more debt for no good reason. ignore that little foray into third person-like narrative.

i suppose you could say that i lost the internship. i still hope to go for it at another time in the near future, but due to school scheduling (or lack there of) i can’t go. the fact that it’s in the middle of ass nowhere doesn’t help either. i guess in some twisted (read:stupid) way, i blamed school for holding me back and not allowing me to pursue something that looked ever hopeful in this barren wasteland that is my life. so, being the smart person that i am, my way around it was to not go to school or the internship and make doubly sure that i erased any possible chance of not wasting large sums of money.

i regret going to this school. i should’ve stuck to my guns and said it was too much money. the only thing for me now is to try my best not to fail out and move on; concede to my mistake, take it where it hurts most and hope that some good can come out of it. even if it is just an internship.

this was originally going to say that my lack of posts was to be corrected by a photo entry of all my current (ha! i typed cutter. *sigh* get over it you silly girl) purchases, but i guess i got carried away with my tangential absentee reasoning. the next one will be fun.

more pictures + less words = fun and happiness for all.

it is now 6:30am and i’m still awake. i’m really tired, but i’ve been keeping myself awake for some unknown reason. it probably has to do with sadness and missing people. ew. i don’t want to, i just can’t help it. i almost feel like i’ve come full circle and i’m right back where i started before anything happened.

sleep or all-nighter? i’m going to choose sleep because 1. i hope to have dreams that will help me cope and 2. i have to work tonight.

at least i had fun going out drinking my free bacardi 151. nothing quite like having your bill being paid for you. good times.

i don’t want to go to school unless i’m singing at it!

i need to sing, but i don’t have time before i have to go to class. i don’t think 9am is too early, but other people might. i’m also slightly scared that if i wake up and sing, i won’t go to school. i will go to school. i’ve already screwed myself enough. ugh.

i’ve had a job for two days and i’m already spending money like mad. having all my birthday money compiled in my bank account doesn’t help either. i’m fairly certain i won’t have to pay the $500 that someone took out on my visa, but if i do i can manage. i won’t be happy but i won’t have to worry about where the money’s going to come from.

there’s lots of stuff i intend to write about, but i don’t know if i’ll ever get around to it. i still haven’t written about death note, but i just bought an awesome lighter that’s based on it. i also intend on buying at least two death note bags as well.

i don’t know if i can actually take the internship because i just discovered that i have classes from 12-3 monday-friday which pretty much rules out either going to the office or the class. i’ll have to call them and ask what kind of hours it is and if i can’t do it, hopefully i can go back in september when i’ll be (mostly) done with school. i really, really want to do this now though. i’m quite fed up with school to be completely honest. maybe if the administration wasn’t so lax i could be more disciplined. i’ll just have to stick it out for the next two months and see how it goes.

i plan on buying a nintendo ds lite, so if i end up staying with the internship at least i’ll have entertainment for the two-four hours of traveling i have every day. i also want/need to buy a new guitar controller because the one i currently have is too sensitive for my taste.

i told you i was spending like mad!