obliviously obvious

- a butterfly under the glass -

i’ve convinced myself that i have leukemia. that seems like such a stupid thing to say, only because it’s so specific without solid evidence. i should probably see a doctor anyway. i haven’t had a blood test in, well, forever. i can’t remember having blood drawn. i don’t want to subject myself to that. i can see blood, watch operations on tv and all the goriest movies without flinching, but when it comes to me being able to feel the blood leave my body, i get faint. i’m too in tune with my physical self for my own good. i’m getting light headed just thinking about it.

this visa thing is bothering me. not just because of the money, but i have a suspicion that someone may be trying to pull one over on me. i’m probably just reading too much into things, but boy would that suck. meh, live and learn i guess.


i don’t know what’s been going on with my stomach lately, but i’d really appreciate not getting stabbing pains that make me wish i was dead. the first time was yesterday as i was walking home from a very successful exam and shopping excursion.

the exam was for my data analysis and stats course. the teacher is great and his exams are exactly what he says they are going to be. i ended up being late because the power went out so my alarm clock didn’t go off. thankfully, i still woke up in time to get there and write the exam; i was done in about thirty minutes. it was great! i decided to partially celebrate my kicking of said exam’s ass by stopping at square one when i transferred buses to see if i could find myself a nice summer/t-shirt dress for $20 or so. this was inspired by an outfit i saw of a fellow bus rider. she had on a red and white striped halter dress with white flip-flops and a white purse. it looked summery, clean and stylish. i said i’d buy something if i could find something in a nice green or purple because i don’t have many (if any) clothes in those colours.

alas, i suppose it was not meant to be since i didn’t manage to find anything in my price range or selected colours. i contemplated dropping into eb games, but i just looked around there a couple of weeks ago, so i doubted they would have anything new that i’d want. then i remembered that i had a gift certificate for mac and i decided to buy a new lip gloss.

i had searched the mac site earlier to see if there was anything particularly close to what i was looking for. i found these. after messing around with the testers and tester holder for about fifteen minutes, i decided on fuchsia fix, which looks a lot brighter in the pot than what it actually is. it’s just the tiniest hint of pink, but it moisturizes my lips quite nicely. i bought that and i still have money left. hooray!

anyway, i was walking home and nearly there when my stomach starts to hurt. it kind of feels like cramps, and gas mixed together i.e. it’s painful. i get home and the pain keeps getting worse. then i start feeling nauseous and i don’t know if i’m going to puke or . . . something else. i was also breaking out in a sweat, not only from the heat outside but because of the pain. so i lay on the bathroom floor not knowing what to do, ready to puke or pass out. the tiles were refreshingly cool and that’s the only form of comfort i had. eventually the intensity faded and i headed into the icebox of a basement for some relief. the pain was still there, but it came and went in waves.

the rest of the night i was fine and i thought it was a one time event. then it happened again today. i really hope it doesn’t happen again tomorrow.

on a completely (almost) different note, i still need more hats. they had a fedora-like one at h&m that i wouldn’t mind. i didn’t try it on properly because my hair was in a ponytail, but it still looked good even placed atop the ponytail bump. i also have far too much money that i need to keep for seattle. but my visa was taken and someone took out $500 on it so i don’t even know if i can afford seattle now. i should’ve called it in when i saw it was missing, but i really thought it was just at home. i’ve got a month to get it all sorted before i start paying interest. at least i learned something: always call it in as soon as it’s missing. even if it had been at home and i found it later, the only price would be waiting for my new card to show up. thankfully, i haven’t given out my pin to anyone, so they should be able to find who did it. at the very least, they’ll know i’m not scamming them and won’t make me pay them $500 back. bah. this better work out somehow.


i think my first visa purchase will be a ticket to see play! i wanted to see video games live since i heard about it a year or so ago. i missed that, but play! seems better suited to my taste in video games and their music and more of what i wanted. poke fun all you want, i have no qualms over admitting that i will love seeing this, even if i go it alone. i might prefer it alone if i can’t get a video game music lover to go with me. it’s a shame there are no devil may cry soundtracks being played, but i can deal with the rest of the play list. castlevania will be played at this venue too, which i was going to be disappointed about, but now i don’t have to be.

now i just have to hope that i can actually use my visa.


i got my visa in the mail today! hooray! my money problems are over, ha. it’s only a $1000 limit, but that should be more than enough for my needs. if it’s not, i’ll just get a different one. i might have to turn it in soon, anyway, if i leave metalworks. i will find that out tomorrow morning.

since i have to wake up semi-early, i’m going to sleep. long day today, but alan cross is awesome. that guy is the best celebrity ever.